Rubbing Elbows

For Micah:

At dinner tonight, our waiter repeatedly rubbed both of my forearms, obviously stunned at how hairy they were. He exclaimed in Korean to his friends, so they could come see for themselves.

Noting this and joining in the laughter, my colleague from Oberlin, Joel, suggested that the waiters wanted to shave my arms and make a sweater.

How were you not here for this?

- Posted from my mobile device

Location:Nonhyeon-dong, Seoul,South Korea

"Less of you, more of us."

Things White People [Are] Like[ly to Notice]:

- Some things do not translate well across cultures.
- Some things very much do translate (humor, value, good food, and a million other things)
- For real. Korean BBQ? Oh!
- School motto in first Korean National School, Daewon: Less of you, more of us.
- Elevator says fits 11, four Americans are tight.
- Gelato and Waffles? Yep, should be everywhere.
- Courtesy and honor go a long way.
- Everyone is smaller than me.
- White people are sometimes expected to pay more.
- Because we often can pay more.
- Awkward or new is actually 'okay.' You'll survive, maybe even the
better for it.
- National schools are VERY different from international schools.
- Ambrosia may have left Olympus long ago, but it hasn't left Asia (see below).
- Seriously, nectar of the gods.*
- We are larger than everyone.
- We are larger than everything.
- Maybe we don't always have everything figured out.
- Reads: with a world of other perspectives, you've always got a lot to learn.
- We think our way is bigger and better. Really, it's just our bodies that are bigger.

And more to come. 3.5 hour flight to Hong Kong tomorrow mid-day, and a new New to experience all over!

*

Location:Seoul, South Korea

Chasing the Sun

If you read this, in all likelihood I not only arrived, but did so with little enough trouble that I warranted it worth the effort to find and connect to the interwebs. It was flight of "substantial" portions, around 11 hours. I ate two meals, including a goodly amount of beef whilst flying over Japan. There's something cute about that.

Assuming Mac Mail works "offline" like I think it does, it was also a productive flight. Some 20 outbound emails sitting in my outbox, a nearly empty inbox (well, since last syncing at 2:00pm on all of your Mondays). I listened to Cornel West, I read articles, I blew up Zombies, I listened to music, I cataloged pictures of Brian Griffith receiving tye-die socks, I blew up more Zombies. It's been good. Been glad to have the iPad and its impressive battery life, between Zombies and World of Goo.

Also, it has never gotten dark. That's a crazy thing to me. 11 hours in flight, crossing the international date line (surprise, it's tomorrow now!), being awake for some 20 hours. And it's been the same day, the same sun rising, the same bright presence, constantly. Note to self: living on the moon would blow my mind. Also, maybe Alaska. He he. Anyway, I might go send confirmation emails, or drop my wife her nth sweet note that she'll receive all at once, or blow up some Zombies or something. Hey, Seoul!

I'm getting out of the weeds and ahead of the curve[ature of the Earth!]

LIFE!

I am now an Admission Officer for Whitman College. I educate, inform, speak, interview, travel, review applications, develop or coordinate or otherwise manage admission programs, and correspond with aspiring young Whitties.
I am getting married on October the 12th, 2008. My wife-to-be, Zoey, is my favorite. True story - I was there.
We're preparing to move into an apartment after our wedding, both working for Whitman, and really pretty awesomely in love.
God is moving in our church, and Zoey and I are ready to be part of a great move on His part. We are really pretty awesomely in love.
Who'd of thought such a genesis would be here for us in Walla Walla of all places? LIFE!

To Him we adore

I wrote this my sophomore year at Whitman, while living with Ben and Eric and falling for Zoey. What a great time, and hard time, in my life. But I just chanced upon this, and decided despite my distaste for poetry that doesn't rhyme, I liked it. Woot.

I long to see His face,
To ascertain things unseen,
The face of Him our Creator,
To comprehend who He is.

I long to see His heart,
To know His Plan for my life,
To understand my place,
To have faith in His will.

I long to see His hand,
The power of Almighty God,
The presence of the Holy Spirit,
The grace of Jesus in my life.

He lifts us up, from more than we can bear,
He loves us beyond our incessant sin,
We no longer need tear at our hair –
He overcomes the weakness of Men.

Praise God for His mercy and grace,
Who despite our debt does us adore,
Who removes our blemishes, leaving no trace,
Healing in us what we most abhor.

Lord, we want to love you more!

the fear of the Lord

"In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence."*

Just what does "the fear of the Lord" mean?

"The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil."
"The Lord loves those who hate evil [=fear the Lord]."
"The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear Him."
"Let all the earth fear the Lord, let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!"
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge."

In spite of my ludicrous unfaithfulness, God began speaking to me as soon as I came running to Him, the very moment I showed interest in seeking Him faithfully. What is this fear of the Lord bit? "You can be free, but there is a price to pay. If you want to experience inner healing and to know the Father's love, then you must choose the fear of the Lord" (Father Heart of God, 47). Moreover, "The Fear of the Lord does not come into our lives by accident. It indwells in us because we choose to seek it ... and make it top priority in our life. It comes because we get sick and tired of being manipulated and controlled by fear of man, of being dominated by our fears and insecurities. It comes because we cry for it, pursue it, and get desperate for it” (ibid.).

Well I do want wholeness, and to know the Father's love. So it becomes really important what the fear of the Lord is. Is it really a solution? I used to think fearing the Lord meant putting His priorities in place of my own and revering Him as my ultimate concern. I think the biggest gap in that notion is that God is also immediate, He is right here, desiring fellowship with us right now, and so “ultimate concern” must become “dearest friend” and “most beloved Father.” There is reverence [awe] also, but I think more than anything else that His friendship is for those who fear Him. It means to love what God loves and hate what God hates. The "fear of the Lord” means hatred of sin and friendship and intimacy with the Father. It is also the beginning of knowledge! Everything worth being anything begins with fearing God: begins with knowing Him intimately and loving Him dearly!

Fear of the Lord is simply intimacy, adoration, and submission to the Father, and everything from identity to wisdom to maturity flows from that simple perpetual choice. Fear the Lord, for in so doing you may have strong confidence!

*The Scriptures cited, in order of appearance:
Proverbs 14:26
Proverbs 8:13
Psalm 97:10
Psalm 25:14
Psalm 33:8
Proverbs 1:7

talk about "Jesus!"

I wasn't even calling Gary! I was just returning Lauren's call, to Lauren's cell phone! But Gary picks up, and I love the guy so I inquire how his crazy week in Portland with the Gospel Choir went. He explains a little bit and asks how I am. You understand for all that I love Andrew, for all that Gary has at various points intimidated me, I'll probably always just trust Gary implicitly. So, I was honest. I expressed my frustrations this week with breaking through, with sensing God's presence or direction. That's all I said! Now it is also true that I feel estranged and like I desperately want Him, but at the same time I perpetually avoid really spending time with just Him. It is true that I've just felt pressure without solution, that for all I recognize I need Him I do things that "need" done instead of hang with Him. Each day is loaded with items to do that I never get what's most important to me done. And Gary speaks from the Lord (my paraphrase):

I have two keys. One: relax. His Presence is based upon His will. There is nothing you can do to change or manipulate that. But, His will is that you would live in His Presence. Striving won't change His will. Just take a deep breathe, and relax. Two: Live in the moment. We want to be ready for the next moment, but we get too caught up in our "lists". That pressure of all that needs done, or all that has come before, keeps us from abiding now. Just say, "Lord, in this moment, right now, I want to abide". He loves you. He loves you with a crazy love like you have never experienced. He has created us to abide in His love. So relax, and choose this moment to get after it, without regard to before or all that must be done next. Relax, and live in this moment.

forgiveness

FORGIVENESS IS DAILY

Forgiveness is not necessarily a feeling.
Forgiveness is a decision.
Forgiveness is releasing the person in question from the judgment you have [rightly or wrongly] against them.

Are you willing to forgive?
You need not say time and again, "God, I forgive them." Who are you trying to convince?
Try, "God, I am willing to be made willing. Do the work in me!"

Own your stuff, but don't deceive God, or yourself. If it's an impossible feat, ask the One who's business is the impossible.

How? Bless them!
You bless them with all that you want blessed with. You bless them with what they don't even deserve. Bless with the same measure with which you want blessed. Forgiveness is so very active!

Forgiveness is not once. Every time the monster rises within you, you go to God again, you repent again, you ask the God of the impossible to do the impossible in you again. You bless them perpetually, all the more if you relapse.

FORGIVENESS IS DAILY

"I thought I dealt with that. What do I do this time, what do I do now?"
Forgive them and bless them again.

FORGIVENESS IS DAILY

"the way of the red bells"

Whether you personally view Wal-Mart as the sum of all evil and villainous nefarity, or as training grounds for spiritual growth, the one thing we can all agree on is that you don't want to go the way of the red bells. Mocked and scorned, dropped and beaten, crushed and obliterated - thus is the way of the red bells. Worse than kicking the bucket, more humiliating than pushing up daisies - thus is the way of the red bells. Walk in the way of righteousness, eat drink and be merry, guard your heart, and lean on the Lord and not on your own understanding. But add to your list of proverbs this day, to remember always: beware the night of four fools, lest ye go the way of the red bells...

surrender

By demanding that God fix the places I have surrendered, while not surrendering other places, I am in contradiction. I have been practically and emotionally frustrated. I need to give God everything else, that He might work in "every sphere," having my whole life. To ask God to make me whole in a few areas without surrendering the whole rest of me is ridiculous, nay, ludicrous - it is actually laughable when you think about it. It makes no sense, yet here am I living life all this time in contradiction. Weird...
That was something I wrote several weeks ago. Yet surrender is a decent theme any day, I think, for the man or woman of God. How oft it is forgotten when nothing save love (as if they were actually all that different, surrender and love) is more central to the person of Christ. Everything needs to be surrendered to Jesus. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me! This life I now live in the flesh I live [only] by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave [read: surrendered] Himself for me! He gave His all and He wants me! This includes my life, my future, my perceptions, my intellect, all that jazz. But those are all peripheral to, all components of, me. My identity is found in, evidenced by, those things, but it is not those things. My identity is an heir of the Most High, a Son of the King. I need to actively surrender my identity to Christ; to actively see Him formed in me; to actively embrace His assumptions, His perceptions, His will, His desires, His life, His death, His resurrection, His mind, His priorities, His reality, His joy, His peace, His Spirit as my own. Rather more than that, to actively subordinate my own to His. To actively embrace His will on earth as if it were in heaven. Notice how active surrender is? I've nearly always surrendered myself to God, at least passively: "Alright God, you take the initiative and I'll do everything I can to obey." Folks, God already took the initiative, why do we sit around as if He hasn't already paid the price, bridged the gap, and empowered all who would believe? If you want to surrender, leave out the caveat and just "do everything I can to obey." He has manifested Himself already, go to the Source! He has spoken and His word echoes through eternity! You think it's any different now than it was then? YOU'RE WRONG! Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So get after it, Jesus says to me. Literally subjugate every thought and YOU MAKE IT captive to the obedience of Christ. Hmm... perhaps the Bible actually means precisely what it says.
That's what gets me in all this - I do not live as if it were true. I'd never say anything to the contrary, yet I live in denial. "Hypocrite" isn't such a foreign concept to this man of God. I don't pray this, don't ask for that, don't expect His promises - all because I doubt my identity as Beloved, as a Prince, as a Son of the Most High, the King of Glory. If I were truly as Christ is, if I knew it through and through, I would not balk or doubt or tarry. I *refuse* to live that shadow of a life any longer. I refuse to rest in a quagmire of uncertainty and doubt. I refuse thinly veiled pride masquerading as humility. And I refuse to let any created thing stand between me and the fullness of Christ, especially my own Saul of a self. I *will* surrender, and I *will* trust in God and in His word. You *WILL* bless the Lord, O my soul!

Practice His Presence

I was practicing the presence of the Lord a few days ago, for the first time frankly. I'd sat down, my dear friend Steve had told me to just still my heart before God and ask Him for His presence. That was essentially all I was doing, when I began to practice some things that Andrew taught me the other night. I was just picturing my Psalm 23, my pasture, my place where I am lead beside still waters and find Jesus. It sounds weird, but I was sitting there, before Jesus, and then I got the image. It was... awesome. It was really simple, it was a fruit. At first I thought an apple, then I wondered if it was a cherry. I asked God to reveal more, and the fruit cut away to reveal the center of an apple, with seeds galore. Alright, Jesus, what does this mean I asked? This image had come from no where, so I was pretty sure it was from God. There is plenty of fruit imagery in Scripture, but what was God saying to me? I asked Him. Then I realized that I was fruit. In order to reproduce, to bear more fruit, to fulfill the function for which He created me, I'd have to die. I have to give myself wholly unto that destiny, to die to myself, in order for true life to abound. So my word for today is to give myself to the Lord with abandon, and let myself, my flesh, die. What exactly that means, and how it relates to what I was praying about at the time, I don't really know. Die to sin? Die to my dreams? Die to my boredom and lethargy? Die to my confusion? I'll keep pressing Him for that answer. But who cares?! God is speaking, and He's letting me enjoy His presence. I don't care what it means at this point, I don't care what the cost is, I don't care what the specifics are. My God is here. Praise the Lord!

The Pilgrimage

I have a few things to say about the internship that just began. Zoey and I are no longer dating. We are pursuing a deeper friendship, without any timeline, guarantees, or strings attached. We have no idea if we'll ever resume a courting relationship. But the internship didn't break us up. True enough, the Intern Leaders had multiple conversations with each of us and ultimately asked us/me to step back in order to more fully engage with my issues and baggage during the internship. But both Zoey and I felt peace about that, because we know God is in it. Don't get me wrong, it's hard sometimes, but with God in it, really, we're in good hands. So 1) Zoey and I aren't dating. 2) We're just friends at this point because of deep issues in my life that need worked out. Whoever I marry, I want to be wholly theirs. And I want to offer them something better than what I can offer right now. So my issues and God, as much as the Intern Leaders or Zoey or I's will, are behind our not-dating. 3) Though there are no strings attached, it is still my heart to discern whether or not Zoey is the woman I am supposed to marry. I believe the coming weeks, months, maybe even year, will be illuminating. Right now I cannot say, and I'm not counting on anything, because everything is so confusing and cloudy at this point. But discerning things between her and I is a top priority. That is all.

Happily Ever After

In the absence of original brilliance, I must rely on the words of the great poet and playwright, Disney, to express the more schmaltzy melodies of my heart's meanderings:

As Simba and Nala become closer and closer, unaware of the blatant and sometimes hysterical signals of their budding romance, the wise and astute Zazoo looks on, knowingly...
Nala: So how are we going to ditch the dodo?
Simba: Oh, I know!
Simba & Nala: whispering inaudibly
Zazoo: Ooh, just look at you two... little seeds of romance, blossoming in the Savannah. Your parents will be thrilled! What with you're being betrothed and all.
Simba: Be-what?
Zazoo: Betrothed. Intended. Affianced.
Nala: Meaning...?
Zazoo: One day you two will get to be married!
Simba: Yuck!
Nala: Eew!
Simba: I can't marry her, she's my friend.
Nala: Yeah, it'd be so weird.
Zazoo: Oh, sorry to bust your bubble, but you two turtle doves have no choice!
With a song and dance here, a warthog there, and ultimately a coup d'état, Simba (Disney's protagonist) goes on to do the right thing, which includes (as Zazoo predicted) marrying Nala.

Simba = Jared
Nala = Molly
Zazoo = Joshua Ian Smith

Need I say more? Well probably not, but would it really be me if I didn't? This is my tribute to Molly and Jared. They've been dating since Spring Break, and I have only just made it a priority to inform the world of the success and accuracy of my clairvoyance. Are there fates actually sealed? By no means. With the freedom of will that God gave us, they can choose there own path, separate or together. I mean, Simba could have left Pride Rock to ruin and condemned every living creature to a slow and painful death. Likewise, Jared and Molly are not bound to any one path... Seriously though, to my beloved friends:
I wish you the best in your individual and mutual journeys. Whatever life has in store for you, if God be willing and your hearts be steady, you will triumph. However this game may end, I ask only that you remember me, your friend “before it all.” Together or apart, in good times or bad, I stand beside you both. Seldom have I met two people with higher caliber of character and courage of soul. And just between us, though I may never outlive that smug smile or the honor it has been to “introduce” the two of you, truly, the credit is yours. Where you go from here is entirely up to the two of you. You will forever “owe me one,” but then, I've owed both of you for years too, so I guess that is the nature of the best of friendships. God bless and keep you Jared and Molly.

Betrayal + Hope = Betrothal

PART I
The betrayal of my life. Two of my all time best friends (pictured above),* notwithstanding my attempts to introduce them that they might fall madly in love and wed, secretly met (for the first time) in L.A. without my knowledge. Here's where the betrayal comes in (this is technically that brilliant genre of literature known as "satire," FYI). See, Jared lives in Maryland, and attends the Naval Academy. Molly goes to Scripps College outside of L.A. They've never met. That's important. More important than the fact that Marley was truly dead as a door nail. The stage is set: so last night I get a call from Jared, only it's Molly on the phone. Then Molly calls me (so I think, except she's talking to me while the incoming call comes up with her picture on it), only it's Jared on the phone. Are you following? Confused? That's the idea. So they totally pretend they have no idea what's going on, but I'm freakin' out! They peformed wonderfully. I confessed to Molly before we went our separate ways that I still wasn't convinced that she and Jared hadn't orchestrated the whole thing just to get me... but I couldn't believe that. I just couldn't. Was it because their performances were so incredible?? Naah. I just couldn't buy that they'd be in the same place, living thousands of miles apart. Alas, I was wrong. Moments after we all hung up, I got that picture from one of them. Betrayal. Compared to this, Iago, Brutus, and Judas feel like small players. How dare they take over their friendship for themselves without the matchmaker's approval or foreknowledge?! Arrgh!
PART II
Hope. Hope is my word for this day from Jesus. Maybe my word for much longer, but I have from God the Word hope, and so I have been meditating on this word.
PART III
Once I got over my insomnia (it took me almost two hours to go sleep last night - tossing and turning all night over my two "friends" and their so-called "get together") and my despair (the natural response to betrayal) I realized that actually, the joke was on them and they were playing into my plans perfectly. First I drop the hints. Then comes the Facebook friendship. Soon follows frequent IM conversations. Now they are meeting secretly! Betrothal is soon to follow! They are falling into my traps so well they even think they are in control! Mwahahahahahaaaa!!!!! Your lives are mine! Your marriage, inevitable. A blissful relationship and two lives sold on the Kingdom of God are sure to follow! And you are powerless to overcome the forces that are now in motion! HA!

*Actually, look at the bottom of my blog for detailed biographies of Jared and Molly (in relation to the rediculous impacts they had on my life), as well as several other pictures of them. These are huge players in the life of Josh! To think that I only thought to get them together this last Christmas...

Urbana 2006 (in brief)

These are the values that stand out to me because of Urbana:
Racial Reconciliation
The Value and Necessity of Multi-culturalism
Church Unity (ecumenism)
Loving [all] Sinners as Jesus Would
Global Perspective
Compassion and Empathy for the Oppressed and Suffering
Humility

These are the elements of my own specific calling, discovered at Urbana:
~Non-Western~ Seminary or Bible School education
Up to or around a decade abroad* before lifetime ministry in the States
Studying French and/or Spanish
Challenging the Church in America
Opting for Solidarity, for Poverty, for Love; i.e for God

*most likely Latin/South America or Africa