talk about "Jesus!"

I wasn't even calling Gary! I was just returning Lauren's call, to Lauren's cell phone! But Gary picks up, and I love the guy so I inquire how his crazy week in Portland with the Gospel Choir went. He explains a little bit and asks how I am. You understand for all that I love Andrew, for all that Gary has at various points intimidated me, I'll probably always just trust Gary implicitly. So, I was honest. I expressed my frustrations this week with breaking through, with sensing God's presence or direction. That's all I said! Now it is also true that I feel estranged and like I desperately want Him, but at the same time I perpetually avoid really spending time with just Him. It is true that I've just felt pressure without solution, that for all I recognize I need Him I do things that "need" done instead of hang with Him. Each day is loaded with items to do that I never get what's most important to me done. And Gary speaks from the Lord (my paraphrase):

I have two keys. One: relax. His Presence is based upon His will. There is nothing you can do to change or manipulate that. But, His will is that you would live in His Presence. Striving won't change His will. Just take a deep breathe, and relax. Two: Live in the moment. We want to be ready for the next moment, but we get too caught up in our "lists". That pressure of all that needs done, or all that has come before, keeps us from abiding now. Just say, "Lord, in this moment, right now, I want to abide". He loves you. He loves you with a crazy love like you have never experienced. He has created us to abide in His love. So relax, and choose this moment to get after it, without regard to before or all that must be done next. Relax, and live in this moment.