count your blessings

The next few weeks, until I've turned in my take home test, my 12 page paper and my 15 page paper and Zoey has completed her last final, will be among the worst days of my life. The last few days have been stressful, exhausting, grueling days leaving me utterly desparate and hopeless. I just want to cease to be. Not die, or suicide, or even lose myself in something, just not be. I see little point to the larger majority of my life right now, what is good seems to be drug down and pessimistified by what isn't (sorry Zoey), and I just don't have enough identity, confidence, strength, whatever, to get through the day safely.
And life is so beautiful. My Christian kindred, you'd better count your blessings, right here, right now. Not even all the hyper-spiritual stuff; I'm not talking about love, or hope, or prayer, or the Word, or the Holy Spirit, or Salvation, or anything else I am just as thankful for as you are. I'm talking about the small everyday blessings you have all around you, with no special meaning attached - just a beautiful life. Those of you who wouldn't call yourself Christian, ya'all better be thankful too. No matter how badly we screw things up as a race, we still can't eliminate beauty.
I was getting in my car today, and it has snowed here in Walla Walla, so everything is white. As I'm opening my door, my eyes follow a ridge of snow that has accumulated on my door's window, and in the midst of all the sharp peaks and chaos, there is one, lone snowflake. Unharmed and picturesque, I marvel that it has survived me wiping the snow off my windows, the treck back to theBirch, and the heat from the inside of the car. But there it is, pristine and beautiful, and I am blessed by that little miracle of nature. I follow all the other lines of snow around all my other windows, but I find no other preserved, intact flake. Just the one. And ya know, life is good.
Look at the people in your life. Now again, there are your standard responses: those closest to you or whatever, and they count, but man, if you're going to count your blessings you have to look beyond the immediate and examine the peripheral. The last week is a good example for me:

1. This morning I prayed with Valerie. We haven't really talked in high numbers of weeks or low numbers of months, and today we set aside our homework, caught up, and prayed with one another. Now you can perceive the glass as half-empty (woe is me, I don't see Val enough any more, why can't I spend more time with her, I miss her, why don't we ever see each other), or you can realize how blessed you are (man, it's been ages, and I just love spending time with my old friend, and getting to pray for one another? could it get any better?!)
2. Do you ever see David Ozog? Do you understand how his bright shining face and well-aimed finger-gun can cheer a person up? Last night I saw him at Voice Class, and it was sad - he came too late to hear me sing - but the glass is half full, and just getting to see him and exchange a few friendly words brightened my day. Seriously, it made me happy inside. What about Zach Conroy? Now of course, his trademark isn't the finger-gun, and we seldom get to really talk, but seeing him cheers me up. Can you fault me for that? Surely you have people in your life that do that for ya. I offer one more example: Megs. Megs sees me from time to time, and the way her face lights up and her smile gets all huge makes my soul shine man. It can turn my day around completely to have a small run-in with some of these fine folks from freshman year. The moral of the story: count your blessings.
3. Now I've obviously got way more blessings than I have the time to divert my attention from homework and record here, but for the grande finale, there's my housemate Pete. Now I've led Bible Study with Caleb, had the pleasure of knowing Mika the longest of them all, and ya'all outta just know how much I love Flynn and Nato. But I haven't gotten to know much about Pete thusfar - he's not a key player in my life, that's what I'm saying. But that all changed today. Last night a phantom woke me up after I'd went to sleep and asked me to have dinner with it, and apparently a) it was Pete and b) I said yes. Tonight we eat at the Brew Pub and God just brings like a million different strands together into one beautiful strand of Omniscient-Oooh-Goodness. I'm sorry, the details are privelaged, just know that the Almighty is at work in my life, despite (or sometimes it seems, directly as a result of) my incompetence. And I am blessed. So are you. Count 'em up and tell me I'm wrong!