"Josh, I hope I always know you. You are practically my favorite person in the whole world."
Mmm, love that girl. Wonderful. =)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
God loves me. Today I sinned, and today He forgave me. Today I said "no more self-pity, no more self-loathing. Grace baby! Accept it! Seize the day!" Actually, I didn't say that. What I said was, "This is my first step of freedom," as I walked into my job. But the point is really the same.
Then I came to Verve. I like Verve. Cherise and Lauren are working today. I like Cherise and Lauren. I also like my hat. I don't really like the Catechism of the Catholic Church, but that's because I believe so strongly in ecumenism. The Catechism makes ecumenical efforts between Protestants and Catholics difficult. But maybe that's the way it is: the things of God are difficult.
I still like my hat. And that water jug. And my orange sweater. And Cherise and Lauren and Jesus. Those three were responsible for giving me a half of a free IZ drink, two small bites of a freshly-made bread quiche, and one several-day old muffin. The face of God people, it was the face of God. Delicious too.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
God loves me. Today I sinned, and today He forgave me. Today I said "no more self-pity, no more self-loathing. Grace baby! Accept it! Seize the day!" Actually, I didn't say that. What I said was, "This is my first step of freedom," as I walked into my job. But the point is really the same.
Then I came to Verve. I like Verve. Cherise and Lauren are working today. I like Cherise and Lauren. I also like my hat. I don't really like the Catechism of the Catholic Church, but that's because I believe so strongly in ecumenism. The Catechism makes ecumenical efforts between Protestants and Catholics difficult. But maybe that's the way it is: the things of God are difficult.
I still like my hat. And that water jug. And my orange sweater. And Cherise and Lauren and Jesus. Those three were responsible for giving me a half of a free IZ drink, two small bites of a freshly-made bread quiche, and one several-day old muffin. The face of God people, it was the face of God. Delicious too.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Monday, October 23, 2006
craziness of the best kind
Here's me...
Here's me at night...
Here's me as a cyclops...
God is good.
My Jewett peeps are such God-sends.
A prophet is needed.
Blessings come in so many forms.
I'm looking forward to Fall Conference.
Maturity is long-in-coming, but worth it.
God must do the work, though I may provide occasion.
Zoey > wonderful
IF you are Christian, THEN you are sacrificing and risking and seeking Jesus.
Are you Christian?
Commitment is not a suggestion, it is required.
Compromise is unacceptable.
Love knows no agenda.
S H A L O M
Here's me at night...
Here's me as a cyclops...
God is good.
My Jewett peeps are such God-sends.
A prophet is needed.
Blessings come in so many forms.
I'm looking forward to Fall Conference.
Maturity is long-in-coming, but worth it.
God must do the work, though I may provide occasion.
Zoey > wonderful
IF you are Christian, THEN you are sacrificing and risking and seeking Jesus.
Are you Christian?
Commitment is not a suggestion, it is required.
Compromise is unacceptable.
Love knows no agenda.
S H A L O M
Sunday, October 22, 2006
pondering Job
Unless God is explicit as to the purpose behind what He does, and even sometimes when He is explicit, as believers it is very dangerous to come out with a certain reason *why* God has allowed or willed what has happened to us. This is certainly true with Job - much of what his friends foolishly tell him is precisely such speculation. God flat out tells us "My ways are higher than your ways, My thoughts Higher than your thoughts." However, both as believers and especially as academics, I truly believe it is insightful to ask those questions, even if we can't have them solved absolutely definitively. We just need to know our God and our Bible better than Job's friends :) As to the suffering of Job, these are my own musings, though I believe they have both Biblical foundations and rational coherence, not to mention personal relevance to the average believer.
The text does say that Satan sought to prove Job's weakness before God, and that God did allow Satan to test Job. This testing was thorough, and encompassed virtually every brand of tribulation we can imagine. Why? Why did God need to test Job if a) Job was already righteous and b) God is omniscient and would have known Job would triumph? What value is there in that kind of testing? Why might God have allowed Satan to attack Job again and again at all, even if Job weren't righteous and God weren't omniscient? These are specific questions begging the basic question of why humanity experiences suffering. In order to answer it sufficiently for myself, it is absolutely essential to break out of standard conceptions of intention, cause-effect relationship, and justice.
I do not believe the expression "for the sole purpose of" can *ever* be applied to Yhwh, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the Father of Jesus Christ. He is just too big, too transcendent for that limitation. So what are all, or at least many, of the effects of this testing of Job? First, Job demonstrates where his loyalties really lie. Did God need Job to prove it? No. But what about Satan? Is it of no account when a man or woman of God triumphs by cleaving to the voice of truth in the wake of tragedy and deceit? I think the effects of such a victory go beyond just the impact on Job's life, and actually do effect the Spiritual world in which we struggle. What about Job himself? I think that as a man I need to know precisely of what I am capable. I need to know the man I am at my worst and lowest, because what does it matter how nice or loyal or strong I am when I am well? Is faith, or strength, or any other positive attribute, really that at all if it isn't tested? What is your love towards your fellow man when it is only towards those people who foster affection and return it? Isn't the mark of a loving soul that his/her love knows *no* bounds? That means it stands true in time of trial and tribulation, when the days are tough and the people gruff and anything and everything that can go wrong has. And what about all of Job's friends, both the vocal ones and the ones Scripture does not mention? Have you ever watched a friend lose someone dear, or go through some other equally trying time, and come out on the other side? Have you ever decided you wanted to be more like them, or have more of this remarkable quality you see in them (devotion, strength, persistence, skill etc.) because of the way they have endured? I think that this value cannot be overstated. I also see it going far beyond the circle of Job's closest friends. Consider the many souls destined to read this account since the time of Job? The simple reality is that *everyone* suffers, it is an inescapable quality innate to human-kind; whether you live in a poverty stricken nation bent on civil war and child prostitution, plagued by child-soldiers and HIV AIDS, or whether you are Bill Gates and live in the epitome of luxury - you experience suffering and the longing for better circumstance as well as appreciating the lessening of your burden. Joy and hurt - every man and woman experience them. So what about the many people who have been able to follow Job's example and learn from his friends bad advice? I don't think any of those reasons can be excused from God's "intent." Why did God allow Satan to test Job? Was it so God could provide a positive example in Job? Was it to prove Satan wrong? Was it for Job's sake? Was it for his friends' sakes? Was it for the sake of all of humanity? Was it for the sake of Joshua Ian Smith? My answer would be a resounding "Yes and Amen!" I don't believe *any* of those reasons were less real or "motivating" for God. Job's suffering righted Job's perspective, demonstrated the good and sovereign nature of God, corrected the errant perspective of Job's vocal friends, and provides a model for the rest of us to follow. I would even risk saying that Job suffered as much as any one could, though if worse suffering were possible I would go so far to say that God's will and His justice would still stand. This is to say, even in light of the Holocaust and other unimagineable atrocities wrought and experienced on this Earth, God is still just, still loving, still absolute, and still knows and does what is best.
I could probably say much more, but there is only one other point I find worth emphasizing here. God's "intentions", what He knows and wills a specific circumstance or event to effect, is so infinite and so much beyond our understanding. Any and all of the results of any one thing are in His mind in advance, and are "worked together for good to those who love Him." That is not to say that bad things don't happen - truly "bad" things, things that have no internal inherently redemptive actions - but He can redeem even the worst acts, and integrate them into His ultimate plan of fulfillment. Murder, addictions, lost loves, and all other true injustices - we cannot begin to see *all* of the effects of these things, and we cannot begin to understand the myriad of ways God can use them. To the point, I think God would have killed all of Job's family, all of his livestock, all of his servants, destroyed his livelihood, covered him with a nearly fatal skin disease; ALL of these evils, FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of showing you how to handle such suffering, if that's what it took. Like I said, I don't think that phrase ever describes our God, but His love for you, His foresight, and His providence *are* THAT ULTIMATE.
The underlying issue, and perhaps the biggest one in Job, is the question of *Theodicy*. Theodicy is just a fancy word for the justice of God. How can God be Just when He allows so much darkness to strike such a righteous man from every side? This is one of the major places where I think we have to suspend our normal mode of thinking. Most people experience this enormous amount of pain, and perhaps rightly ask, "why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" But really, I think that those questions are completely ridiculous! What did I ever do to merit God's good graces? Have I been so good so as not to deserve those things? Is it even possible for God to give my life more negative baggage than I have positive gifts? It's hard to pin my finger on the best way of wording this question, but what I'm getting it is, aren't we *always* necessarily in God's debt? Don't our blessings and gifts ALWAYS outweigh our curses and so-called "injustice"? Perhaps an analogy is the best way of stressing this point. In relation to other men, we often experience injustice. We are nice to them, they are mean to us - this is unjust. Our sensibility tells us that they owe us something for all of the junk they've tossed at us in response to our goodness. My point is, God constantly, with every breath, is blessing us. He gave us life! And we constantly turn our backs on him, sometimes passively, other times aggressively and quite actively. Is it *ever* even *possible* for us to accrue enough "junk" for God to "owe" us anything? I propose that no, even if our entire family were killed, all that we had ever owned lost, our dearest friends, even our wife, turned against us, and our own bodies stricken to the point of constant unbearable pain, even then, all that God have given us, and continued to give us, would infinitely outweigh the junk. And not just God's past gifts, but his continued presence and goodness in the midst of those hardships. All of the joys, every breath, birth, common graces (sunrises, memories, the experience of color, smell, touch etc.) - any number of things that God sustains in our lives (though admittedly they are hard to see in times of suffering - they are nonetheless there). Just as human experience perceives suffering in the best and worst of situations, so too does it experience joy.
IN BRIEF: I do not believe God's testing of Job can be pinned down to any one reason. I believe there were many, many positive effects of Job's experiences, and that God had them all in mind, even if His loving nature would have allowed Job to suffer for any one of those reasons. I believe that God allowed Job's story to unfold for all of the reasons listed here in so much detail, and quite likely many more beyond my comprehension or realization. I think above and beyond the positive value inherent in this unimaginable tribulation, God also works redemption into and from ALL THINGS and carries His entire creation towards fulfillment (READS: His Kingdom). I believe very strongly in God's Theodicy (Justice) and would assert that no amount of finite injustice could ever outweigh God's infinite blessings, goodness, and providence even in this world, to say nothing of Eternity. We might wish it were otherwise, we might long for less or different kinds of pain, but we never have a right to demand anything from God.** We simply cannot, by our very finitude, ever experience enough "bad" for God to *owe* us some reparation. My friend Andrew Lee asked me about Job, and gave me permission to be wordy. So Mr. Lee, those are my thoughts on Job =)
**It is definitely worth clarifying that my conviction that God is Just and that He knows best does not stop me from getting upset with Him. I experience and respond strongly to pain and suffering. But our perspective and emotions do not change reality. It is the solice I've taken in God's Theodicy that has gotten me through my most difficult times actually. So I know pain is painful, but before you get angry at my seemingly heartless concept of reality, and especially if you're angry with God, consider the broader implications of the nature of God. He is love. He is redemption. He is absolute goodness. Embrace Him like Job...
The text does say that Satan sought to prove Job's weakness before God, and that God did allow Satan to test Job. This testing was thorough, and encompassed virtually every brand of tribulation we can imagine. Why? Why did God need to test Job if a) Job was already righteous and b) God is omniscient and would have known Job would triumph? What value is there in that kind of testing? Why might God have allowed Satan to attack Job again and again at all, even if Job weren't righteous and God weren't omniscient? These are specific questions begging the basic question of why humanity experiences suffering. In order to answer it sufficiently for myself, it is absolutely essential to break out of standard conceptions of intention, cause-effect relationship, and justice.
I do not believe the expression "for the sole purpose of" can *ever* be applied to Yhwh, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the Father of Jesus Christ. He is just too big, too transcendent for that limitation. So what are all, or at least many, of the effects of this testing of Job? First, Job demonstrates where his loyalties really lie. Did God need Job to prove it? No. But what about Satan? Is it of no account when a man or woman of God triumphs by cleaving to the voice of truth in the wake of tragedy and deceit? I think the effects of such a victory go beyond just the impact on Job's life, and actually do effect the Spiritual world in which we struggle. What about Job himself? I think that as a man I need to know precisely of what I am capable. I need to know the man I am at my worst and lowest, because what does it matter how nice or loyal or strong I am when I am well? Is faith, or strength, or any other positive attribute, really that at all if it isn't tested? What is your love towards your fellow man when it is only towards those people who foster affection and return it? Isn't the mark of a loving soul that his/her love knows *no* bounds? That means it stands true in time of trial and tribulation, when the days are tough and the people gruff and anything and everything that can go wrong has. And what about all of Job's friends, both the vocal ones and the ones Scripture does not mention? Have you ever watched a friend lose someone dear, or go through some other equally trying time, and come out on the other side? Have you ever decided you wanted to be more like them, or have more of this remarkable quality you see in them (devotion, strength, persistence, skill etc.) because of the way they have endured? I think that this value cannot be overstated. I also see it going far beyond the circle of Job's closest friends. Consider the many souls destined to read this account since the time of Job? The simple reality is that *everyone* suffers, it is an inescapable quality innate to human-kind; whether you live in a poverty stricken nation bent on civil war and child prostitution, plagued by child-soldiers and HIV AIDS, or whether you are Bill Gates and live in the epitome of luxury - you experience suffering and the longing for better circumstance as well as appreciating the lessening of your burden. Joy and hurt - every man and woman experience them. So what about the many people who have been able to follow Job's example and learn from his friends bad advice? I don't think any of those reasons can be excused from God's "intent." Why did God allow Satan to test Job? Was it so God could provide a positive example in Job? Was it to prove Satan wrong? Was it for Job's sake? Was it for his friends' sakes? Was it for the sake of all of humanity? Was it for the sake of Joshua Ian Smith? My answer would be a resounding "Yes and Amen!" I don't believe *any* of those reasons were less real or "motivating" for God. Job's suffering righted Job's perspective, demonstrated the good and sovereign nature of God, corrected the errant perspective of Job's vocal friends, and provides a model for the rest of us to follow. I would even risk saying that Job suffered as much as any one could, though if worse suffering were possible I would go so far to say that God's will and His justice would still stand. This is to say, even in light of the Holocaust and other unimagineable atrocities wrought and experienced on this Earth, God is still just, still loving, still absolute, and still knows and does what is best.
I could probably say much more, but there is only one other point I find worth emphasizing here. God's "intentions", what He knows and wills a specific circumstance or event to effect, is so infinite and so much beyond our understanding. Any and all of the results of any one thing are in His mind in advance, and are "worked together for good to those who love Him." That is not to say that bad things don't happen - truly "bad" things, things that have no internal inherently redemptive actions - but He can redeem even the worst acts, and integrate them into His ultimate plan of fulfillment. Murder, addictions, lost loves, and all other true injustices - we cannot begin to see *all* of the effects of these things, and we cannot begin to understand the myriad of ways God can use them. To the point, I think God would have killed all of Job's family, all of his livestock, all of his servants, destroyed his livelihood, covered him with a nearly fatal skin disease; ALL of these evils, FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of showing you how to handle such suffering, if that's what it took. Like I said, I don't think that phrase ever describes our God, but His love for you, His foresight, and His providence *are* THAT ULTIMATE.
The underlying issue, and perhaps the biggest one in Job, is the question of *Theodicy*. Theodicy is just a fancy word for the justice of God. How can God be Just when He allows so much darkness to strike such a righteous man from every side? This is one of the major places where I think we have to suspend our normal mode of thinking. Most people experience this enormous amount of pain, and perhaps rightly ask, "why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" But really, I think that those questions are completely ridiculous! What did I ever do to merit God's good graces? Have I been so good so as not to deserve those things? Is it even possible for God to give my life more negative baggage than I have positive gifts? It's hard to pin my finger on the best way of wording this question, but what I'm getting it is, aren't we *always* necessarily in God's debt? Don't our blessings and gifts ALWAYS outweigh our curses and so-called "injustice"? Perhaps an analogy is the best way of stressing this point. In relation to other men, we often experience injustice. We are nice to them, they are mean to us - this is unjust. Our sensibility tells us that they owe us something for all of the junk they've tossed at us in response to our goodness. My point is, God constantly, with every breath, is blessing us. He gave us life! And we constantly turn our backs on him, sometimes passively, other times aggressively and quite actively. Is it *ever* even *possible* for us to accrue enough "junk" for God to "owe" us anything? I propose that no, even if our entire family were killed, all that we had ever owned lost, our dearest friends, even our wife, turned against us, and our own bodies stricken to the point of constant unbearable pain, even then, all that God have given us, and continued to give us, would infinitely outweigh the junk. And not just God's past gifts, but his continued presence and goodness in the midst of those hardships. All of the joys, every breath, birth, common graces (sunrises, memories, the experience of color, smell, touch etc.) - any number of things that God sustains in our lives (though admittedly they are hard to see in times of suffering - they are nonetheless there). Just as human experience perceives suffering in the best and worst of situations, so too does it experience joy.
IN BRIEF: I do not believe God's testing of Job can be pinned down to any one reason. I believe there were many, many positive effects of Job's experiences, and that God had them all in mind, even if His loving nature would have allowed Job to suffer for any one of those reasons. I believe that God allowed Job's story to unfold for all of the reasons listed here in so much detail, and quite likely many more beyond my comprehension or realization. I think above and beyond the positive value inherent in this unimaginable tribulation, God also works redemption into and from ALL THINGS and carries His entire creation towards fulfillment (READS: His Kingdom). I believe very strongly in God's Theodicy (Justice) and would assert that no amount of finite injustice could ever outweigh God's infinite blessings, goodness, and providence even in this world, to say nothing of Eternity. We might wish it were otherwise, we might long for less or different kinds of pain, but we never have a right to demand anything from God.** We simply cannot, by our very finitude, ever experience enough "bad" for God to *owe* us some reparation. My friend Andrew Lee asked me about Job, and gave me permission to be wordy. So Mr. Lee, those are my thoughts on Job =)
**It is definitely worth clarifying that my conviction that God is Just and that He knows best does not stop me from getting upset with Him. I experience and respond strongly to pain and suffering. But our perspective and emotions do not change reality. It is the solice I've taken in God's Theodicy that has gotten me through my most difficult times actually. So I know pain is painful, but before you get angry at my seemingly heartless concept of reality, and especially if you're angry with God, consider the broader implications of the nature of God. He is love. He is redemption. He is absolute goodness. Embrace Him like Job...
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
quotes of the year
"God's will is love; therefore we should get married."
--Josh
"Marrying me would fix this paper. And your major. And your life."
--Josh
"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, Then we wouldn't have to wait so long. And wouldnt it be nice to live together, In the kind of world where we belong.
You know its gonna make it that much better, When we can say goodnight and stay together.
Wouldnt it be nice if we could wake up, In the morning when the day is new.
And after having spent the day together, Hold each other close the whole night through.
Happy times together we've been spending, I wish that every kiss was neverending.
Wouldn't it be nice...
Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true, Baby then there wouldnt be a single thing we couldn't do. We could be married, And then we'd be happy.
Wouldnt it be nice...
You know it seems the more we talk about it, It only makes it worse to live without it. But lets talk about it, Wouldn't it be nice."
--Beach Boys
"Wouldn't it be nice. Yes. Yes it would be nice."
--Josh
"..."
--Zoey
"Betrothed... intended... affianced... One day you two will get to be married!"
--Zazoo
"A happy wife is a happy life."
--Dale Smith
"I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my life!"
--The Monkeys
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
--Genesis 2:24
PS - I have oscillated back to liking to Tillich. The good things he says are many and very helpful I think, but the bad things he says are very, very bad.
--Josh
"Marrying me would fix this paper. And your major. And your life."
--Josh
"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, Then we wouldn't have to wait so long. And wouldnt it be nice to live together, In the kind of world where we belong.
You know its gonna make it that much better, When we can say goodnight and stay together.
Wouldnt it be nice if we could wake up, In the morning when the day is new.
And after having spent the day together, Hold each other close the whole night through.
Happy times together we've been spending, I wish that every kiss was neverending.
Wouldn't it be nice...
Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true, Baby then there wouldnt be a single thing we couldn't do. We could be married, And then we'd be happy.
Wouldnt it be nice...
You know it seems the more we talk about it, It only makes it worse to live without it. But lets talk about it, Wouldn't it be nice."
--Beach Boys
"Wouldn't it be nice. Yes. Yes it would be nice."
--Josh
"..."
--Zoey
"Betrothed... intended... affianced... One day you two will get to be married!"
--Zazoo
"A happy wife is a happy life."
--Dale Smith
"I can't see me lovin' nobody but you, for all my life!"
--The Monkeys
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
--Genesis 2:24
PS - I have oscillated back to liking to Tillich. The good things he says are many and very helpful I think, but the bad things he says are very, very bad.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Gill... Allison Gill
Allison Gill gave me a word on Tuesday night at Large Group, that was worth pondering and sharing. In response to certain conversations and e-mails, she encouraged me that it was God, not my efforts, that would make "the difference." In reality, I wasn't that stressed or feeling particularly burdened, though certainly passionate (do I come in a non-zealous version?), but I definitely want to step back and not dismiss that word at all, because she's right. Regardless of whether or not I felt the burden of the world crushing me or was relatively indifferent, her word was essentially "continue to have a heart for God's Kingdom, but rely on Him for it. Don't take it upon yourself, or feel that you must (or even can) do it all yourself." It's a good word, and perhaps moreso because I didn't immediately recognize it's relevance, I really want to grapple with what God is saying there. Just thought I'd share...
Also, while I still like the bit on "ultimate concern", I no longer am that big a fan of Paul Tillich.
I can't wait to go camping with Brian, Brendan, Becky and other cool people whose names unfortunately don't start with "B"
Just as much, I can't wait to play board games with some Journeyers, Whitties, and just Cool Peeps come Monday and Tuesday.
Of course I pray everyone travels to and fro very safely this weekend.
Remind me to start my thesis...
Can you even imagine how cool Zelda: Ocarina of Time will be on Gamecube, masterquest version? I certainly can't, it's beyond me: but I can't wait to find out!
I think I'm about as cool as it gets, so... bye.
Also, while I still like the bit on "ultimate concern", I no longer am that big a fan of Paul Tillich.
I can't wait to go camping with Brian, Brendan, Becky and other cool people whose names unfortunately don't start with "B"
Just as much, I can't wait to play board games with some Journeyers, Whitties, and just Cool Peeps come Monday and Tuesday.
Of course I pray everyone travels to and fro very safely this weekend.
Remind me to start my thesis...
Can you even imagine how cool Zelda: Ocarina of Time will be on Gamecube, masterquest version? I certainly can't, it's beyond me: but I can't wait to find out!
I think I'm about as cool as it gets, so... bye.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Joshua, Rachel Carroll, Nato, & Zoey
1) My name is Joshua. Maybe I should start living up to my name. I guess that's where I was headed two blogs ago, when I said I needed to know my God. But for all my mental preparation, I haven't stepped out. Why? How much does it really take to read the Bible and pray a little more each day? Well I had [the book of] Joshua prayed over me today, and especially having long pondered so many of the similarities (and differences) between the son of Nun and myself, I took it to heart. So again, keep me accountable – I want to meditate on His word day and night and all else that is commanded of Joshua in chapter one.
2) Rachel Carroll brightened my day today. A lot. I mean it was good already, it's true... but now it's better. If I had a picture of her, you all would get to see her beautiful smiling face, but as it is, just praise God for the joy He brings us in the small things, in brief moments, in wonderful people. Thank you Jesus, for Rachel.
3) Nato, I love you. Happy Birthday (tomorrow), and may God smile upon you this day mon frére, and give you His unique peace. You never cease to bless me, and I rue the day that forces our paths apart.
4) I want to marry Zoey. Like now.
THE END
2) Rachel Carroll brightened my day today. A lot. I mean it was good already, it's true... but now it's better. If I had a picture of her, you all would get to see her beautiful smiling face, but as it is, just praise God for the joy He brings us in the small things, in brief moments, in wonderful people. Thank you Jesus, for Rachel.
3) Nato, I love you. Happy Birthday (tomorrow), and may God smile upon you this day mon frére, and give you His unique peace. You never cease to bless me, and I rue the day that forces our paths apart.
4) I want to marry Zoey. Like now.
THE END
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
ultimate concern
I am on the one hand, completely overhwelmed, and on the other hand, in such a good place. Regarding the former state, I simply have too much to do. It is not possible to complete all the requirements placed upon me, let alone do anything extra. This entry itself must be cut short that I might finish/start my paper due (after an extension) tomorrow. Yet the material being covered in some of my classes is astounding. Know the name Karl Barth. That's not a question, it's a directive.
In the days that followed my last entry, I reached a point of break down. I couldn't handle it all. I lost hope. All hope. I survived of course, and God was both patient and faithful as I unleashed myself on Him, demanded from Him, implored Him, and forsook Him. Now I am processing these thoughts and concerns, and this is the "good place" in which I now exist. The last blog entry, this crisis last week - they leave me in a place of yearning, desiring even to desire God more. I want to want Him more than I do, and I think that's a good thing.
But what is so amazing about this place I am in is that mere days before reading these pastors and theologians for my courses, I have these incredibly vivid encounters with the problems and issues they address. For example I lose all trust in our ability to reason God out. I realize He cannot be comprehended and that to deny the paradoxical nature of God is to take away from God, to have a lessened understanding of our reality. We lose something by denying God His absolute, transcendant, and infinite nature. Upon this realization my Modern Western Religious Thought class begins reading Karl Barth. The man is incredible, initiating around the time of World War I a return to an older way of thinking about God. The essence of his theology is the essence of my last blog. God is on a completely and utterly different plane than we are, and is completely impossible to just figure out. Barth also relies entirely on the Word of God, witnessed in Scripture. The Bible is authoritative for Barth, revelation is the only way of getting to God. Anything man initiates is doomed to limitation, deception, failure etc. Thus what God initiates, revelation, is all we can rely on. Barth provides a timely direction, a solution even, to my crisis.
Again: I read Paul Tillich for Senior Seminar, who defines faith as "the state of being ultimately concerned." Ultimate concern is something everyone, of any secular or religious sphere, has - it is simply that which is the bottom line, the ultimate motivation or goal that drives an individual. Thus an idolatrous faith is one that simply elevates something peripheral, like success or wealth, to the state of the ultimate and infinite. It is at this time that I realize that God not doing what I think He should or could is my "ultimate concern". I am driven by the hope that God will do this certain thing, and then He doesn't. My world collapses. So Tillich provides the explanation of why I break down: a misplaced faith.
Even faith in God's attributes or God's work or God's or God's manifestation or God's blessings - those are idolatrous faiths. My faith must be in God Himeself, devoid of any other contingent. God is my ultimate concern. And I can only know Him through His revelation, the Word of God, Jesus the Christ. The Bible is the only reliable witness to revelation, and speaks directly to me, to my life, to my situation. The pieces fit together much nicer mind you, when God is orchestrating them, than when I try and narrate them. But know that God is pretty incredible, and is certainly bigger than any words I can utter will do justice to. So thanks God, I guess is all I'm really trying to say...
In the days that followed my last entry, I reached a point of break down. I couldn't handle it all. I lost hope. All hope. I survived of course, and God was both patient and faithful as I unleashed myself on Him, demanded from Him, implored Him, and forsook Him. Now I am processing these thoughts and concerns, and this is the "good place" in which I now exist. The last blog entry, this crisis last week - they leave me in a place of yearning, desiring even to desire God more. I want to want Him more than I do, and I think that's a good thing.
But what is so amazing about this place I am in is that mere days before reading these pastors and theologians for my courses, I have these incredibly vivid encounters with the problems and issues they address. For example I lose all trust in our ability to reason God out. I realize He cannot be comprehended and that to deny the paradoxical nature of God is to take away from God, to have a lessened understanding of our reality. We lose something by denying God His absolute, transcendant, and infinite nature. Upon this realization my Modern Western Religious Thought class begins reading Karl Barth. The man is incredible, initiating around the time of World War I a return to an older way of thinking about God. The essence of his theology is the essence of my last blog. God is on a completely and utterly different plane than we are, and is completely impossible to just figure out. Barth also relies entirely on the Word of God, witnessed in Scripture. The Bible is authoritative for Barth, revelation is the only way of getting to God. Anything man initiates is doomed to limitation, deception, failure etc. Thus what God initiates, revelation, is all we can rely on. Barth provides a timely direction, a solution even, to my crisis.
Again: I read Paul Tillich for Senior Seminar, who defines faith as "the state of being ultimately concerned." Ultimate concern is something everyone, of any secular or religious sphere, has - it is simply that which is the bottom line, the ultimate motivation or goal that drives an individual. Thus an idolatrous faith is one that simply elevates something peripheral, like success or wealth, to the state of the ultimate and infinite. It is at this time that I realize that God not doing what I think He should or could is my "ultimate concern". I am driven by the hope that God will do this certain thing, and then He doesn't. My world collapses. So Tillich provides the explanation of why I break down: a misplaced faith.
Even faith in God's attributes or God's work or God's or God's manifestation or God's blessings - those are idolatrous faiths. My faith must be in God Himeself, devoid of any other contingent. God is my ultimate concern. And I can only know Him through His revelation, the Word of God, Jesus the Christ. The Bible is the only reliable witness to revelation, and speaks directly to me, to my life, to my situation. The pieces fit together much nicer mind you, when God is orchestrating them, than when I try and narrate them. But know that God is pretty incredible, and is certainly bigger than any words I can utter will do justice to. So thanks God, I guess is all I'm really trying to say...
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
things that make you go hmm
I just don't get it. I'm not even sure I yet understand the extent to which I don't get it. For the first time I am beginning to feel the burden of my limitation. Of course I've always known, in theory, that God is beyond our comprehension. In some circumstances He is beyond our ways, beyond our thoughts. Some aspects of the world are riddles to our understanding, at least for the time being. But no, I never really comprehended my lack of comprehension. There are parts of my reality, parts of my God, that are just not solvable. They are not rational. There is no recourse, no aid Reason can offer. How arrogant of me to only realize this now, at 20 years old! When it comes to the God who is, and was, and ever will be, He is truly bigger than we can understand. How can a God of all power and knowledge and presence who loves us and desires our wholeness leave us in our sin? Really. What is an immanent God doing letting us remain sinful. That He wants us to have free will is NOT an answer. I'm in bondage, I need freed, and I am INCAPABLE OF FREEING MYSELF. Yet His supernatural power cannot be dictated, His ability to release me and my kin cannot be manipulated, cannot be separated from His supernatural timing. I don't understand. I mean, I understand that there here exists a paradox, something that cannot be satisfyingly solved in my little head. It is contradictory. It isn't like I can't wrap my mind around it, it is that IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. But God is, and was, and ever will be. And God is immanent. And I will trust Him. What I have learned from this is, I don't know my God. He is bigger than my understanding, and it is imperative, absolutely paramount, that I seek Him, that I know Him. I spend so much time trying to live by what I do know, so much time studying to achieve some stupid piece of paper from Whitman, so much time trying to impart my wisdom to others and receive in turn from them. WHO AM I? I AM NO ONE! I know nothing, have not even the power to implement what I do know. I mean to know God. I must know God. I don't mean accumulate knowledge, which is precisely where my answer will never be found. I need to know Him in the Biblical sense. Thus I make the following pledge, to know my God, to seek my God, to be allured and lost in the presence of my creator. I will seek Him, search His ways, and throw myself into His Word and His commands and His character without reserve. My pursuit of Him pales in comparison to my pursuit of other things, even of His manifestations or His blessings. It is not what He does that matter to me in this place, but who He is. No more will I outweigh God, no more will my understanding, or His gifts, or His creation, take priority over HIM. I write this that you may keep me accountable to that. If you read this, and do not hold me to this covenant, it is a failing on your part, and I exhort you to remedy that mistake. God must be first. God. Yhwh. El Elyon. El Shaddai. Wonderful Counselor. I AM. Eternal. Helper. Messiah. WHAT? WHO ARE YOU, O GOD!
If I have ever found favor in your sight, help me to know Your ways, that I might know You, that I might find favor in Your sight. So pleadeth Moses, and so I plead O Lord.
If I have ever found favor in your sight, help me to know Your ways, that I might know You, that I might find favor in Your sight. So pleadeth Moses, and so I plead O Lord.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
stewarding what He has given you?
God is moving powerfully. He is moving globally. He is moving unlike I've ever known or heard of, except from maybe the book of Acts or the Gospels. Biblical proportions promised, visions had, dreams experienced, manifestations beyond expression. The Spirit of God cometh, prepare ye the way of the LORD. God has a call and a destiny on my life. Ministry. Men. Wholeness. Freedom. Liberty and completion. God is moving in the hearts of His people, will you respond? I know Zoey and I will, though we will fail and fall, here we are YHWH. I know Molly is responding. I know Austin is rising up. Gary, Jesse, Patrick, Andrew & Heather, Ashley F. ... I've got co-laborers all around, fellow warriors. Where are you? Here is just the smallest, simplest expression of some what God has said:
- Everything will double, and double again, and again: His abundance is upon us.
- Restoration and revival are coming: don't believe it? Wait and see. Believe it? Then get after it. What is He asking YOU to do, what is your part?
- Purity and Victory our ours. They are promised by God, and they are coming. Get after it.
- Walla Walla, Wa-Hi, for God's sake, WHITMAN COLLEGE, will be rocked. Will be given life. Will be revived. Restored to the destiny for which they were created.
- HE will pmultiply the nation, HE will increase their gladness, and they will be glad in HIS presence. Worship on ankeny beyond counting (hundreds? thousands?); Journey so packed there is standing room only (one service? multiple?). Those are just ONE VISION from months ago, and ONE DREAM from last night. There is so much more.
- Revolution is coming. Look at Ashley's poem below. Look at some earlier posts and what God said this Spring. Talk to me about this Summer. God's chosen are feeling the burden He has placed on their hearts, are sensing Him move, from all geographic locations, all ages, all backgrounds, and from any and every place a person could be in their relationship with Jesus Christ. Revolution is come. Get after it!
- God is moving. Come to find out, to my surprise, He is moving in the same way across America, across the world. Costa Rica, Walla Walla, Russia, Illinois, North Carolina, Washington... He is calling His people. Be encouraged. Ask Him to rock your world. Listen to Him, and give it up for Him. He has called you to be His people, rise up!
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Revolution
I am my parent’s little girl
Safe and smart
Running off to far off places with plans
And activities
Playing with friends and laughing and hoping to do something big
And Safe
And God is going to create a revolution on this campus
A revolution
And I am here at the front of it
The front of the beginning that 36 years of prayers has created
A revolution and that is Big.
I am a safe little girl
I am a woman
Who wants to do something big
Desires
Something that matters
To create
Something that matters
A revolution
Not safe
No, not safe
I am a woman
With her own ideas and possibilities
Not home anymore
Not safe
Because a revolution takes courage
And I won’t hide
And this woman that I am
Does not know what to do
But she knows
That if she lets God
He will show her
And she doesn’t know how
To let him
Show her
But this is her prayer
That he will
Show her
A revolution
Safe and smart
Running off to far off places with plans
And activities
Playing with friends and laughing and hoping to do something big
And Safe
And God is going to create a revolution on this campus
A revolution
And I am here at the front of it
The front of the beginning that 36 years of prayers has created
A revolution and that is Big.
I am a safe little girl
I am a woman
Who wants to do something big
Desires
Something that matters
To create
Something that matters
A revolution
Not safe
No, not safe
I am a woman
With her own ideas and possibilities
Not home anymore
Not safe
Because a revolution takes courage
And I won’t hide
And this woman that I am
Does not know what to do
But she knows
That if she lets God
He will show her
And she doesn’t know how
To let him
Show her
But this is her prayer
That he will
Show her
A revolution
--Ashley Fisher, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
I'ze baptized yo!
So Sunday, May 7th, I was finally baptized. My family came. Jared and Zoey watched on. SO many friends were there, it was truly fantastic. Sydney Rosback and Hilary Davis, two of my incredible sisters in the LORD, were also baptized. Then we gave one another communion, with some leftover Jesus bread from Church which I stole, and some wine my mother purchased. Sketch you say? Meh. I love Jesus. While I talk about the rest of the goings on of Sunday, I'm going to list some other pics from the baptism. Take a gander up-close by clicking on them - they're all worth it.So Sunday: First of all, my family came and went to Church with me. That was already a good day. Interspersed throughout the day was
also some butt-kicking Mario Kart 64 with the fam, also a major plus. Then the Baptism. A good day right? Check this: at 5 o'clock we had the first Leader's Team of next year, slash the last one of this year. All the leaders from this year and all of next year's leaders came, and we had dinner and played a fun little game or two. First there was "Bethlehem Tag," a game which centered around water balloons, followed by "Caleb Toss" (based on the ancient Scottish traditional game of Caber Toss (sp?), only instead of throwing a log, we through Caleb). It was good times. We prayed for our respective future Bible Studies - Caleb came and prayed over Jewett Bible Study (a.k.a. Jewett Jesus Club). Rachel, Sydney, and Brian are such pimp people that I am incapable of expressing how excited I am about spending a year with them. It'll be rad. Then, after that (the day isn't over yet), tons of us WCFers went out to Pastor G's (pictured in each of these Baptism photos) house for a cereal potluck. He provided the milk, all 
the Journey college-age kiddos brought their favorite cereal. GENIUS! Anyway, it was fantastic and fun, and a super good day. Than I stupidly stayed up all night beating Jared at Star Trek Armada II. Couldn't have gotten much better!Because blogger isn't working with me on the pictures, I'm going to submit another post with more pictures from Sunday. Check out (above) Ashley Fisher, and her poem, written in response to all the incredible promises and stuff God has been up to of late. I pray that Ashley would stay on the front line here, that God would empower and impassion more of us, and that He would really follow through on that revolution. Stand there until we get there God. Hallelujah!
Sunday, April 23, 2006
the pneuma of change
In Greek pneuma means wind, but also Spirit. This word-play is very helpful in describing reality today. The winds (pneuma) of change are blowing, and the Spirit (pneuma) of God is moving. There is change coming, orchestrated and promised by the Spirit, and it's gonna be big. I won't explain the contexts of the following snapshots of my life; they either will speak to you, or not.
Pastor G has been praying, or proclaiming really, that this is the year. Something is happening, some work, some plan, some transformation for which this year is crucial. I don't know if it's the completion of a good work in or around me, I don't know if it's some level of healing or blessing, or even the last year of my life. But I do not that God has been speaking and promising some sort of significance for me for this year. I could go on and on about all the changes and blessings I've already seen since January 1st.
God has revealed to me on more than one occasion, without mediation, that He is a God of promise, and that He is just moving like crazy all around me. My transformation from the archetypical man of introspection into this man who cares for others, is one example of pneuma-work in my life. My experience of the Divine is another - do you even know how real God is? He was so manifest this morning. Whatever, either you will experience it yourself and won't need my explanation, or you won't - in which case it won't do either of us any good to go on talking about it. But if you want my opinion on the Divine, on pneuma, it's really quite simply: get after it.
Apparently Kurt had a dream Wednesday night. To my knowledge, he only shared it with me and perhaps his wife (he told me yesterday at Joey's wedding). In the dream Whitman had become a Seminary again. It was renewed with passion for God. Its students were just on fire for Jesus. And instead of the inherent hostility towards pneuma which you find in many of its courses nowadays, there was a sensitivity and craving of His presence and will. In fact, Kurt saw me as a Professor of Religion. Everyone sought my classes, because God was so present there. Life, fiery passion, Truth, the very Spirit (pneuma) of God was manifest in the teachings I propagated. I don't mean to be vain, please understand, but when someone dreams something like this - I'll take it!
This morning in Church I felt a word that I simply *needed* to share with the whole Church. It came to me in worship, concerning my anxieties for this hellish upcoming week: God is there. His presence, his pneuma, is no more present during prayer or worship than He is during the struggles and toil of the majority of our lives. Read Genesis: we were created as stewards, as beings meant to toil and work for God, and from the very beginning He has been there as we do this, His will. Basically, as I toiled throughout this week, God promised He would be glorified, He would be present. I was promised pneuma all week, and I just knew it would sustain me. So I shared that with the Church. Then things got shaken up...
Immediately following my time of sharing, Andrew (him and his wife are crazy little prophetic entities) stood up and said he had a Word for me. The whole Church could benefit from it he said, but he received it for ME: Jesus says, when one knocks, the door shall be opened. When one man knocks, is there anything to stop Him from opening the door for a whole generation? Was there any power in hell that could have stopped Jesus from being raised from the dead on the third day? Is there any power of hell that can deny the promises of God? Moses was one man, and when he knocked, the door was opened for an entire generation. My question for you Josh is this: if you knock, is there any power of hell that can stop God from opening that door for this generation? That is the abridged version, but the potency is still there I hope. Pastor G then had Andrew lead us in prayer for Whitman, with all the Whitman students standing in prayer, for the opening of the door to that campus, for the pneuma to just invade. Andrew had me join him in praying for Whitman, and I have seldom if ever felt such a tangible presence of God. Pastor Gary whispered into my ear as Andrew began to pray, and he said "What is the Spirit saying; not what are you thinking, not what are you feeling, not you, but what is the Spirit saying?" When I prayed, I felt nearly ecstatic, but it was also a remarkable moment of clarity. I realized afterword I was trembling. I can't express it. I wish you could know it as I did, but just trust me this one time: the POWERFUL PNEUMA of God invaded Journey Church this morning, and it promised to do some more invading real soon...
Shane (sp?) also came up to me after the service, with another little something to top it all off. I've spoken to the guy once right, and this is all that I remember: I think I mentioned to him my desire not to limit the Spirit (pneuma) of God. I felt like I couldn't trust God sometimes as fully as I'd like, because I kept insisting that He fit into my box. I didn't want to limit the power of God, essentially. Shane said this morning that he'd had a vision, like a horse drawing a carriage with blinders on. He said he had seen God removing those blinders, removing that limitation, that box, so I could really see. A dream, a prophetic Word spoken into my life, and a vision for me, all on the same theme (Whitman) and within the same week? Where I'm going with this is that I've realized, when it comes to the moving of pneuma and the promises and the very Glory of God, its really simple: I'll take it.
Pastor G has been praying, or proclaiming really, that this is the year. Something is happening, some work, some plan, some transformation for which this year is crucial. I don't know if it's the completion of a good work in or around me, I don't know if it's some level of healing or blessing, or even the last year of my life. But I do not that God has been speaking and promising some sort of significance for me for this year. I could go on and on about all the changes and blessings I've already seen since January 1st.
God has revealed to me on more than one occasion, without mediation, that He is a God of promise, and that He is just moving like crazy all around me. My transformation from the archetypical man of introspection into this man who cares for others, is one example of pneuma-work in my life. My experience of the Divine is another - do you even know how real God is? He was so manifest this morning. Whatever, either you will experience it yourself and won't need my explanation, or you won't - in which case it won't do either of us any good to go on talking about it. But if you want my opinion on the Divine, on pneuma, it's really quite simply: get after it.
Apparently Kurt had a dream Wednesday night. To my knowledge, he only shared it with me and perhaps his wife (he told me yesterday at Joey's wedding). In the dream Whitman had become a Seminary again. It was renewed with passion for God. Its students were just on fire for Jesus. And instead of the inherent hostility towards pneuma which you find in many of its courses nowadays, there was a sensitivity and craving of His presence and will. In fact, Kurt saw me as a Professor of Religion. Everyone sought my classes, because God was so present there. Life, fiery passion, Truth, the very Spirit (pneuma) of God was manifest in the teachings I propagated. I don't mean to be vain, please understand, but when someone dreams something like this - I'll take it!
This morning in Church I felt a word that I simply *needed* to share with the whole Church. It came to me in worship, concerning my anxieties for this hellish upcoming week: God is there. His presence, his pneuma, is no more present during prayer or worship than He is during the struggles and toil of the majority of our lives. Read Genesis: we were created as stewards, as beings meant to toil and work for God, and from the very beginning He has been there as we do this, His will. Basically, as I toiled throughout this week, God promised He would be glorified, He would be present. I was promised pneuma all week, and I just knew it would sustain me. So I shared that with the Church. Then things got shaken up...
Immediately following my time of sharing, Andrew (him and his wife are crazy little prophetic entities) stood up and said he had a Word for me. The whole Church could benefit from it he said, but he received it for ME: Jesus says, when one knocks, the door shall be opened. When one man knocks, is there anything to stop Him from opening the door for a whole generation? Was there any power in hell that could have stopped Jesus from being raised from the dead on the third day? Is there any power of hell that can deny the promises of God? Moses was one man, and when he knocked, the door was opened for an entire generation. My question for you Josh is this: if you knock, is there any power of hell that can stop God from opening that door for this generation? That is the abridged version, but the potency is still there I hope. Pastor G then had Andrew lead us in prayer for Whitman, with all the Whitman students standing in prayer, for the opening of the door to that campus, for the pneuma to just invade. Andrew had me join him in praying for Whitman, and I have seldom if ever felt such a tangible presence of God. Pastor Gary whispered into my ear as Andrew began to pray, and he said "What is the Spirit saying; not what are you thinking, not what are you feeling, not you, but what is the Spirit saying?" When I prayed, I felt nearly ecstatic, but it was also a remarkable moment of clarity. I realized afterword I was trembling. I can't express it. I wish you could know it as I did, but just trust me this one time: the POWERFUL PNEUMA of God invaded Journey Church this morning, and it promised to do some more invading real soon...
Shane (sp?) also came up to me after the service, with another little something to top it all off. I've spoken to the guy once right, and this is all that I remember: I think I mentioned to him my desire not to limit the Spirit (pneuma) of God. I felt like I couldn't trust God sometimes as fully as I'd like, because I kept insisting that He fit into my box. I didn't want to limit the power of God, essentially. Shane said this morning that he'd had a vision, like a horse drawing a carriage with blinders on. He said he had seen God removing those blinders, removing that limitation, that box, so I could really see. A dream, a prophetic Word spoken into my life, and a vision for me, all on the same theme (Whitman) and within the same week? Where I'm going with this is that I've realized, when it comes to the moving of pneuma and the promises and the very Glory of God, its really simple: I'll take it.
Monday, April 10, 2006
the Way, the Truth, & the Life
This picture represents my soul today. I am full of joy. I am content. My thoughts and eyes are heavenword. My mind is focused on God. And all of this makes me more cool than in pictures where I pose, where I am aware and bound by my perceptions of how people see me. And now I am done justifying my vain desire to put this awesome picture Eduardo took of me on the web....0.jpg)
At Joey's request I re-committed to having devotional times each day. My tentative structure is real praying and some Bible in the morning, and more real prayer at night. I did this on the one hand begrudgingly because it seemed to me that there was no direct correlation between the rest of my life and whether or not I was in God's word, and on the other hand with thanksgiving in my heart that someone finally stepped in and gave me an exhortation I could somehow ignore when it came from myself. It is ridiculous how much of a difference it makes. I challenge you: try reading half of an epistle, or two or three gospel chapters, or a solid psalm, per day. After only a few days, I feel like my twelve year old self, amazed for the first time at how much joy the Gospel can generate within my soul and wondering how anything can be this real and how I never noticed the difference before. I know you can't be high all the time, or being high wouldn't be being high--but I thank God for the high's that sustain us through the lows. Have you ever read 1 Corinthians? Not just chapter 13, I mean the whole thing. It's incredible! The nuances, the themes, the overall message: at every level Paul screams "Jesus!". And at every level, wherever you are and whatever you need, it is the Living Word of the Living Water nourishing our spirit. Cephas couldn't be more right; where else could we go? Lord [...] You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.* Are Galatians or Romans any different? Or Revelation? Or for that matter any other book of the Bible? The Life it gives! The good kind, the zoe, that Jesus so frequently promises. Verily, verily, I say to thee: The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.**
* John 6:68-69
** Romans 8:6
Monday, April 03, 2006
thoughts
I love Sonic the Hedgehog and Zelda music. Hyrule Field or Starlite Zone, Zora's Domain or Emerald Hill Zone--my, my, how I love you all!
I am so incredibly excited about Whitman Christian Fellowship (InterVarsity) next year, and my role there. I will be leading Bible Study/Small Group in Jewett with absolutely incredible people. Brian, my good friend, brother, and classmate--a rare intellect--will be my comrade in arms. A friend of Zoey and I's named Rachel will also be seeking the Kingdom of God in that dormitory--she's friendly, fun, and beautifully hard to dislike. And also Sydney, one of my newer and dearer friends, will be taking on her share of leadership in next year's Jewett BS--the flavor that she will add will be one of lightheartedness, joy, humor and other good things. And then of course, the final element is Joshua (that's me), who I would best describe as being more excited than he can stand about leading with that fine group of people. Plus, what if Nato comes to our group every week? COULD IT GET ANY BETTER?!
I should have jogged this morning.
HR4437 is the most idiotic law the House of Representatives could possibly come up with. A felony to come to the land of opporunity out of desperation and equally criminal to help those immigrants? I just hope that my friend Paul Apostolidis is right--that this outrage was merely created to thwart the soft-toward-immigrants bill that the Senate came up with, in hopes of making a reconciliation between the two documents impossible. I also hope that, as he perceives, there is absolutely zero chance of this becoming law as is, or even remotely close to as is. I hate this bill, and wish I had went to the march in Walla Walla last Friday. The details are far worse than "merely" making it a felony to be, or even help, illegal immigrants (check it out at http://www.ilrc.org/HR4437.html). Molly, I really don't think this bill has any redemptive qualities: our rights as American Citizens to have more, better, more securely (by not having crime-committing immigrants threaten our dear security) should not be a priority in the least compared with Christ's intense passion for the poor and oppressed. He came to preach, proclaim, and otherwise (say, by his crucifixion) advance the Kingdom of God (or Kingdom of Heaven, if you're Matthew). Social Justice is probably the biggest single aspect of that program. This bill cannot pass--it's mere existence is further evidence that no matter how much certain liberals might lament our "Christian" nation that we are indeed not a Christian nation. Pray with me Molly, that God's values have more sway in our country than it so often appears...
My sister is here, lying in bed behind me (conked out, naturally). This should be a fun week.
Next year I'll be living at theBirch again, staying in this room that will be eternally etched in my mind as "Flynn's Room". Rent is now $295 for me, with five people in the house, yet somehow next year with four it will only be $280. I'm really confused about that. But even more exciting than the fact that there will be one less person in the house and my rent will go down is that Colin will live down the hall, Nato above me, and Andrew below me. YES!
I am so behind in school work.
I miss people. I miss Spring break. I don't like school. I can't wait til' summer, and also dread it's approach. I love God, but often don't act like it. I love people, but act like that too little also. I love you. You should leave a comment...
I am so incredibly excited about Whitman Christian Fellowship (InterVarsity) next year, and my role there. I will be leading Bible Study/Small Group in Jewett with absolutely incredible people. Brian, my good friend, brother, and classmate--a rare intellect--will be my comrade in arms. A friend of Zoey and I's named Rachel will also be seeking the Kingdom of God in that dormitory--she's friendly, fun, and beautifully hard to dislike. And also Sydney, one of my newer and dearer friends, will be taking on her share of leadership in next year's Jewett BS--the flavor that she will add will be one of lightheartedness, joy, humor and other good things. And then of course, the final element is Joshua (that's me), who I would best describe as being more excited than he can stand about leading with that fine group of people. Plus, what if Nato comes to our group every week? COULD IT GET ANY BETTER?!
I should have jogged this morning.
HR4437 is the most idiotic law the House of Representatives could possibly come up with. A felony to come to the land of opporunity out of desperation and equally criminal to help those immigrants? I just hope that my friend Paul Apostolidis is right--that this outrage was merely created to thwart the soft-toward-immigrants bill that the Senate came up with, in hopes of making a reconciliation between the two documents impossible. I also hope that, as he perceives, there is absolutely zero chance of this becoming law as is, or even remotely close to as is. I hate this bill, and wish I had went to the march in Walla Walla last Friday. The details are far worse than "merely" making it a felony to be, or even help, illegal immigrants (check it out at http://www.ilrc.org/HR4437.html). Molly, I really don't think this bill has any redemptive qualities: our rights as American Citizens to have more, better, more securely (by not having crime-committing immigrants threaten our dear security) should not be a priority in the least compared with Christ's intense passion for the poor and oppressed. He came to preach, proclaim, and otherwise (say, by his crucifixion) advance the Kingdom of God (or Kingdom of Heaven, if you're Matthew). Social Justice is probably the biggest single aspect of that program. This bill cannot pass--it's mere existence is further evidence that no matter how much certain liberals might lament our "Christian" nation that we are indeed not a Christian nation. Pray with me Molly, that God's values have more sway in our country than it so often appears...
My sister is here, lying in bed behind me (conked out, naturally). This should be a fun week.
Next year I'll be living at theBirch again, staying in this room that will be eternally etched in my mind as "Flynn's Room". Rent is now $295 for me, with five people in the house, yet somehow next year with four it will only be $280. I'm really confused about that. But even more exciting than the fact that there will be one less person in the house and my rent will go down is that Colin will live down the hall, Nato above me, and Andrew below me. YES!
I am so behind in school work.
I miss people. I miss Spring break. I don't like school. I can't wait til' summer, and also dread it's approach. I love God, but often don't act like it. I love people, but act like that too little also. I love you. You should leave a comment...
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
the best and worst of spring break
My spring break has been pretty good, as breaks go. I've visited with Jared, stayed with Zoey's family, shopped with my mom, chilled with the siblings, and just today, completed my financial aid junk for next school year. Plus, I've whooped my dad at 
cribbage more times than I can count. But the best part of my break has definitely been the last two days, especially today (and not just because I completed both the CSS Profile and the FAFSA). Yesterday I met my dad out half-way between here and Trout Lake, on Laurel, for his lunch break. We busted out the cribbage board and shared lunch. I made him a mocha, he gave me doughnuts; I gave him MnMs and he gave me Reeses Peanut Butter Cups; I gave him Salsa Verde Doritos and he gave me four cheese rice. It was sweet. Plus I skunked him at cribbage - beat him bad! Then we listened to Paul Harvey (twice), read a few verses from Hosea, 2 Kings, Hebrews and Psalm 85, and split. Today I met him in the other direction, out on Lakeside Road, and today was even better. We didn't do the little gift exchange (though I did bring him another mocha), we only listened to Paul Harvey once, and he even gave me a run for my money at crib (though of course, I championed). However, instead of coming home straight away, I spend the next hour and half crammed in his grader cab, watching him work. We listened to the beginning of a sermon on "Friendly Fire" from within the Christian community, but mostly we just talked and spent time together. See, he grades all the gravel roads around Glenwood, keeping them safe and more or less smooth. I've always wanted to get a little run-down on some of that big equipment, but never got the chance because dad was always worried he'd get in too much trouble. Now, he'd still get in trouble if we got caught, but we didn't. You'll just have to imagine the smug look on my face. It was a lot of fun. Plus, having just read Marx [again] for my Politics and Religion class a few weeks ago, and thinking a lot about workers getting no satisfaction from a job well done, no finished product by which to identify their time and labor--it was good to see the hard labor and finished product on my dad's part. I drove on the road to get out there, and it was completely different when he'd finished with it and I was driving back. You'll also have to imagine the pride on face right now. Plus, as an added bonus to the story sharing, learning, and all that warm, fuzzy stuff, we were bebopping back and forth in the grader as dad worked and I saw a bobcat. 
I asked my dad what "that" was, and we stopped, backed up, and my dad thought it might be a dog. He looked a little longer and corrected himself, "It's a cougar... or a bobcat maybe. You know how to find out for sure?" So we drove a few dozen meters up the side road I'd spotted it on, waiting to check out its tail when it spooked. We didn't get very close or anything, but it bounced a way (no tail). It was a lot bigger than the only other bobcat I saw--two or three feet high anyway. It was beautiful. Then dad and I finished and I drove home and here I am. I'm just about to head off to visit my friends in Goldenale, Catherine and Kari Stout. If I had pictures, you'd get to see them too. Maybe I should work on that...
As for the low of my break, it would be my aunt Laura and my uncle Rick getting a divorce. I love them both so much you see, and it's tearing me up to see their family loose cohesion. Rick's two kids are living with his first ex-wife, and that whole situation just sort of stinks. The younger of the two, Jeff, has a great heart, and the pressure tearing him in two completely different directions just sucks. It sucks bad. And Brian, who has always been one of my favorite cousins, just doesn't seem to be making the best choices. Not that Brian is bad off or anything, or "heading down the wrong path", I just wish he understood things a little better, or maybe just had more respect. I can't judge or anything, respect has always been a place that I've seen the need for great improvement in myself, but the whole situation just stinks for those two. Laura's oldest, Jessica, is my age and she seems fine. Her and Rick get along real well and she is a pillar in all of this. Shawn also seemed well, though I hardly got to see him when I went and visited them all on Saturday. Brittney on the other hand, Laura's youngest, isn't doing well. I'm worried sick about her, praying all the time. I might disagree with decisions she's making, or decisions Rick and Laura made - that doesn't even matter, I just love them all to death. Seeing the pain and the devestation in all of their lives, I don't even have any breath left to place blame or judge, thank God. All I can do is try and pick up the pieces of my heart and hope there is something left of each of theirs. What an ugly business: divorce. Part of me expects I'll understand when I'm older; most of me hopes I never ever have any clue what it's like. All I have to say is, all of you unmarried pups, make damn sure you can commit before you marry; do it for the right reasons and be smart about it. He or she ain't worth the lifetime or lifestyle of heartache. Please please please, you can't always foresee the curve balls you'll get thrown, but try and anticipate would ya? Sometimes things happen anyway, like with Rick and Laura, and maybe it is unavoidable (it happens to the best of us), but at least think. And as for you, Brian, Jeff, Brittney, Shawn, Jessica, Rick, Laura--you are all foremost in my mind and on my prayers. I love you guys. God be with you.
cribbage more times than I can count. But the best part of my break has definitely been the last two days, especially today (and not just because I completed both the CSS Profile and the FAFSA). Yesterday I met my dad out half-way between here and Trout Lake, on Laurel, for his lunch break. We busted out the cribbage board and shared lunch. I made him a mocha, he gave me doughnuts; I gave him MnMs and he gave me Reeses Peanut Butter Cups; I gave him Salsa Verde Doritos and he gave me four cheese rice. It was sweet. Plus I skunked him at cribbage - beat him bad! Then we listened to Paul Harvey (twice), read a few verses from Hosea, 2 Kings, Hebrews and Psalm 85, and split. Today I met him in the other direction, out on Lakeside Road, and today was even better. We didn't do the little gift exchange (though I did bring him another mocha), we only listened to Paul Harvey once, and he even gave me a run for my money at crib (though of course, I championed). However, instead of coming home straight away, I spend the next hour and half crammed in his grader cab, watching him work. We listened to the beginning of a sermon on "Friendly Fire" from within the Christian community, but mostly we just talked and spent time together. See, he grades all the gravel roads around Glenwood, keeping them safe and more or less smooth. I've always wanted to get a little run-down on some of that big equipment, but never got the chance because dad was always worried he'd get in too much trouble. Now, he'd still get in trouble if we got caught, but we didn't. You'll just have to imagine the smug look on my face. It was a lot of fun. Plus, having just read Marx [again] for my Politics and Religion class a few weeks ago, and thinking a lot about workers getting no satisfaction from a job well done, no finished product by which to identify their time and labor--it was good to see the hard labor and finished product on my dad's part. I drove on the road to get out there, and it was completely different when he'd finished with it and I was driving back. You'll also have to imagine the pride on face right now. Plus, as an added bonus to the story sharing, learning, and all that warm, fuzzy stuff, we were bebopping back and forth in the grader as dad worked and I saw a bobcat. 
I asked my dad what "that" was, and we stopped, backed up, and my dad thought it might be a dog. He looked a little longer and corrected himself, "It's a cougar... or a bobcat maybe. You know how to find out for sure?" So we drove a few dozen meters up the side road I'd spotted it on, waiting to check out its tail when it spooked. We didn't get very close or anything, but it bounced a way (no tail). It was a lot bigger than the only other bobcat I saw--two or three feet high anyway. It was beautiful. Then dad and I finished and I drove home and here I am. I'm just about to head off to visit my friends in Goldenale, Catherine and Kari Stout. If I had pictures, you'd get to see them too. Maybe I should work on that...As for the low of my break, it would be my aunt Laura and my uncle Rick getting a divorce. I love them both so much you see, and it's tearing me up to see their family loose cohesion. Rick's two kids are living with his first ex-wife, and that whole situation just sort of stinks. The younger of the two, Jeff, has a great heart, and the pressure tearing him in two completely different directions just sucks. It sucks bad. And Brian, who has always been one of my favorite cousins, just doesn't seem to be making the best choices. Not that Brian is bad off or anything, or "heading down the wrong path", I just wish he understood things a little better, or maybe just had more respect. I can't judge or anything, respect has always been a place that I've seen the need for great improvement in myself, but the whole situation just stinks for those two. Laura's oldest, Jessica, is my age and she seems fine. Her and Rick get along real well and she is a pillar in all of this. Shawn also seemed well, though I hardly got to see him when I went and visited them all on Saturday. Brittney on the other hand, Laura's youngest, isn't doing well. I'm worried sick about her, praying all the time. I might disagree with decisions she's making, or decisions Rick and Laura made - that doesn't even matter, I just love them all to death. Seeing the pain and the devestation in all of their lives, I don't even have any breath left to place blame or judge, thank God. All I can do is try and pick up the pieces of my heart and hope there is something left of each of theirs. What an ugly business: divorce. Part of me expects I'll understand when I'm older; most of me hopes I never ever have any clue what it's like. All I have to say is, all of you unmarried pups, make damn sure you can commit before you marry; do it for the right reasons and be smart about it. He or she ain't worth the lifetime or lifestyle of heartache. Please please please, you can't always foresee the curve balls you'll get thrown, but try and anticipate would ya? Sometimes things happen anyway, like with Rick and Laura, and maybe it is unavoidable (it happens to the best of us), but at least think. And as for you, Brian, Jeff, Brittney, Shawn, Jessica, Rick, Laura--you are all foremost in my mind and on my prayers. I love you guys. God be with you.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
get after it
So at one, or maybe at several actually, of the first Life Group meeting(s) with my amigos from Journey Church, Pastor Gary prayed for me and the gist of that prayer has stuck with me. He perceived what amounts to a fulfillment, or a continuation, of what God revealed to me in Pete and Theresa last semester (see whispers divine via the link on the right). It was shortly after the new year that Gary prayed that he felt God preparing a year for me unlike any other. He prayed for a year of jubilee, a year of restoring me to what God made me, of calling me home to His purposes and growing me more than I could expect. God is going to allure me. He is going to draw me even deeper, and continue to give me a desperation for intimacy with Him. I've taken it as a promise. God will do these things, this year will be all that He wants it to be, and I will pursue Him with purpose. I say these things with a certainty that I admit is not-quite-certain: it takes more faith than I have to trust in my heart and have confidence in a few small words through a pastor or leading woman, and believe that they have the Divine Authorship my mind is telling me they have. My Spirit is willing, but my Flesh is weak. Yet I choose to assert with boldness the promises of God, to risk humiliation or error in pursuit of Truth. All I know is I want Him, and I am throwing myself at His feet and almost indignantly demanding that He use me and heal me and annoint me. It's as if I'm begging God to just let me serve Him. I know there is Kingdom work to be done, and I am like a second grader waving my hand wildly, just desperate for my Teacher to see me. I think of three Old Testament accounts which I hope I am not hubristic in identifying with. In the order that God brought them up in my life, we'll be traveling first to Isaiah 6, which Men's Group read lectio divina style on Thursday; then to 2 Kings 2:1-12, which Gary spoke from on Sunday; and finally we'll end up at Exodus 33:12-23, from whence Mika lead the WCF Leader's Team in yet another lectio divina study. I encourage you to read each of these accounts, and also to get a feel for their contexts, because I hope to, for the sake of you readers, be brief.
In Isaiah 6, we share in Isaiah's vision, in which God calls Isaiah into his prophetic ministry. Many parallels or similarities might be made between the state of his nation and the state of my own, but I'll leave those convictions for another day. The highlights are that God reveals himself to Isaiah, who in the midst of angels crying out exaltation to God, says "yes" to God's call. Isaiah virtually collapses under the terror of seeing God, for various reasons, and he cries out:
5 "Woe is me, for I am ruined!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I live among a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts."
In response, a Seraph (an individual of the Seraphim order of angels) flies down and touches his lips with a burning coal proclaiming that his iniquity has been removed, and his sin forgiven. Where you will see the silver thread running through my life is in the following call and response. Almost daily I find myself repeating the words of Isaiah in verse 8:
8 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?"
Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
In 2 Kings 2:1-12 we will find the story of Elijah and Elishah. Specifically, it is the story of Elijah's being taken up into heaven (one of only two recorded persons ascending directly to God and skipping death - the other being Enoch in Genesis). At the beginning of the chapter we read:
1 And it came about when the LORD was about to take up Elijah by a whirlwind to heaven, that Elijah went with Elisha from Gilgal.
Now, basically what happens is Elijah asks Elishah three times times to stay behind at the three different stops between Gilgal and his rondezvous with God, once at Gilgal, once at Bethel, and once at Jericho. And each time Elishah insists, "As the LORD lives, and as you yourself live, I will not leave you." At each city the prophets from that city would come out and remind Elishah that God was going to take his master from him. And each time Elijah would respond "Yes I know, be still." Finally, once they've crossed the Jordan (miraculously, I might add), for whatever reason, Elijah just stops and confronts Elishah.
9 When they had crossed over, Elijah said to Elishah, "Ask what I shall do for you before I am taken from you." And Elishah said, "Please, let a double portion of your spirit be upon me."
10 He said, "You have asked a hard thing. Nevertheless, if you see me when I am taken from you, it shall be so for you; but if not, it shall not be so."
Then the chariot of fire and the horses of fire come down and whisk Elijah away in a whirlwind. This story is powerful for me because of the persistence of Elishah. He who would come to replace Elijah as God's specially annointed Prophet, had to doggedly adhere to his wiser predecessor and if he even let him out of his sight for a moment, he might miss his chance. But if he proved faithful, God would give him a double portion. I find myself clinging sometimes to my elders, suckling, if you will, from their relationship with God. And isn't Pastor Gary repeatedly urging us to pray for our later generations, that they might outdo us, that they might have a greater portion than we do, and be greater men and women of God?
And now we come to Exodus 33:12-23, which "coincidentally" makes a perfect conclusion to this silver thread. Here we see Moses, the deliverer of Israel, talking with God. His feathers are ruffled, and what surprises me about this and stand out so clearly, is how demanding Moses is with God. There is much more here than I will delve into, but here are the highlights:
13 "Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people."
14 And He said, "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."
Reflect on this you guys, seriously, we are talking about some good stuff. And as if this weren't juicy and good enough, it gets better.
15 Then he said to Him, "If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here."
16 "For how then can it be known that I have found favor in Your sight, I and Your people? Is it not by Your going with us, so that we, I and Your people, may be distinguished from all the other people who are upon the face of the ground?"
Notice the emphasis not just on himself, but on his kindred, his blood, his brothers and sisters all around him?
17 The LORD said to Moses, "I will also do this thing of which you have spoken; for you have found favor in My sight and I have known you by name."
Then check this out, I can't believe Moses! Can you believe his audacity?!
18 Then Moses said, "I pray You, show me Your glory!"
Moses is over the top, man. But what's more, God listens. He does show Moses His glory, to the fullest extent that God can be seen this side of heaven. That's what I want - I want to see God's glory. I want to see Him, be annointed by Him, and make it clear that I am here. LORD, if it is you, command me. Show me your glory. Appoint me for your works. Your will be done LORD. Here I am.
In Isaiah 6, we share in Isaiah's vision, in which God calls Isaiah into his prophetic ministry. Many parallels or similarities might be made between the state of his nation and the state of my own, but I'll leave those convictions for another day. The highlights are that God reveals himself to Isaiah, who in the midst of angels crying out exaltation to God, says "yes" to God's call. Isaiah virtually collapses under the terror of seeing God, for various reasons, and he cries out:
5 "Woe is me, for I am ruined!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I live among a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts."
In response, a Seraph (an individual of the Seraphim order of angels) flies down and touches his lips with a burning coal proclaiming that his iniquity has been removed, and his sin forgiven. Where you will see the silver thread running through my life is in the following call and response. Almost daily I find myself repeating the words of Isaiah in verse 8:
8 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?"
Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
In 2 Kings 2:1-12 we will find the story of Elijah and Elishah. Specifically, it is the story of Elijah's being taken up into heaven (one of only two recorded persons ascending directly to God and skipping death - the other being Enoch in Genesis). At the beginning of the chapter we read:
1 And it came about when the LORD was about to take up Elijah by a whirlwind to heaven, that Elijah went with Elisha from Gilgal.
Now, basically what happens is Elijah asks Elishah three times times to stay behind at the three different stops between Gilgal and his rondezvous with God, once at Gilgal, once at Bethel, and once at Jericho. And each time Elishah insists, "As the LORD lives, and as you yourself live, I will not leave you." At each city the prophets from that city would come out and remind Elishah that God was going to take his master from him. And each time Elijah would respond "Yes I know, be still." Finally, once they've crossed the Jordan (miraculously, I might add), for whatever reason, Elijah just stops and confronts Elishah.
9 When they had crossed over, Elijah said to Elishah, "Ask what I shall do for you before I am taken from you." And Elishah said, "Please, let a double portion of your spirit be upon me."
10 He said, "You have asked a hard thing. Nevertheless, if you see me when I am taken from you, it shall be so for you; but if not, it shall not be so."
Then the chariot of fire and the horses of fire come down and whisk Elijah away in a whirlwind. This story is powerful for me because of the persistence of Elishah. He who would come to replace Elijah as God's specially annointed Prophet, had to doggedly adhere to his wiser predecessor and if he even let him out of his sight for a moment, he might miss his chance. But if he proved faithful, God would give him a double portion. I find myself clinging sometimes to my elders, suckling, if you will, from their relationship with God. And isn't Pastor Gary repeatedly urging us to pray for our later generations, that they might outdo us, that they might have a greater portion than we do, and be greater men and women of God?
And now we come to Exodus 33:12-23, which "coincidentally" makes a perfect conclusion to this silver thread. Here we see Moses, the deliverer of Israel, talking with God. His feathers are ruffled, and what surprises me about this and stand out so clearly, is how demanding Moses is with God. There is much more here than I will delve into, but here are the highlights:
13 "Now therefore, I pray You, if I have found favor in Your sight, let me know Your ways that I may know You, so that I may find favor in Your sight. Consider too, that this nation is Your people."
14 And He said, "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."
Reflect on this you guys, seriously, we are talking about some good stuff. And as if this weren't juicy and good enough, it gets better.
15 Then he said to Him, "If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here."
16 "For how then can it be known that I have found favor in Your sight, I and Your people? Is it not by Your going with us, so that we, I and Your people, may be distinguished from all the other people who are upon the face of the ground?"
Notice the emphasis not just on himself, but on his kindred, his blood, his brothers and sisters all around him?
17 The LORD said to Moses, "I will also do this thing of which you have spoken; for you have found favor in My sight and I have known you by name."
Then check this out, I can't believe Moses! Can you believe his audacity?!
18 Then Moses said, "I pray You, show me Your glory!"
Moses is over the top, man. But what's more, God listens. He does show Moses His glory, to the fullest extent that God can be seen this side of heaven. That's what I want - I want to see God's glory. I want to see Him, be annointed by Him, and make it clear that I am here. LORD, if it is you, command me. Show me your glory. Appoint me for your works. Your will be done LORD. Here I am.
Rock on!
There is a chance (and it is looking like a relatively decent chance) that the Worship Band that I hope to sing with this summer during the annual Columbia River Bible Camp will be able to get together before hand and record an album of the standard camp songs. Christian music might be berated by many, but even critics have to acknowledge that a lot of new music gets pumped out all the time, attempting to keep the Christian genre up to date with the secular world. What about the good old songs? There is something uniquely profound, uniquely comforting, about worshipping God in the ways in which you were raised. I love "What if Cartoons Got Saved" and "Lord You're Beautiful", but sometimes I need to hear "Our God is an Awesome God" or "The Battle Belongs to the Lord". So now it may very well turn out that all the kids who come to camp every year and may not hear some of those songs until the following summer, will in fact be able to take home a compilation of some of those songs most near and dear to there hearts. I'm super excited about that prospect. If you're a reader of mine, and someone who tends to pray, you should pray for this: for humility, for wisdom, for kingdom success and kingdom dreams - you know, that His will be done.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
my word
Today God said (vicariously through Matt): I will raise up in you strength of character to match your eloquence. (He actually used that word, "eloquence") In the same way that you have been able to express yourself for so long in words, you will come to express yourself through the strength of your actions.
I told God: Alright, I'll take it.
I told God: Alright, I'll take it.
Monday, January 30, 2006
the Spirit of God was moving over the waters...
This post is dedicated to God. So is my life. It's all His. God has been moving so dramatically and so tangibly in my life for so long now I fear I can't possibly do justice to the breadth and depth of His love manifest in my life. Yet, musn't I try?
Zoey's father, Jim, insisted that I listen to some of their family's pastor's old sermons from the 90's, and gave me some tapes when I left Zoey's house. I've been listening to Pastor Ted talk about random things as I drive to and fro in Walla Walla, and the man may be the single most powerful teacher to whom I've ever listened. So I decided to purchase his book, Pure Desire, which factors into things later. Basically, at every point that I begin to wonder if God is moving or speaking to me, and I think I could go either way, I can push play and somehow, whatever Pastor Ted was saying, it becomes relevant, even decisive, as the final push needed to get me to acknowledge a personal word from God.
Immediately upon our return to Walla Walla, Zoey and I decided to really invest in a Church and make it our home Church. We prayed over my first choice, Journey, and basically felt very called to it. So we gave it a go, but still I was praying that God would provide access to fellowship for us. Anyone reading this had better know me well enough to know that I am totally extroverted, and have no inhibitions or reservations when it comes to meeting new people. Zoey however is much deeper and more reserved, so I was worried I might force her into uncomfortable situations on the one hand, or abandon her on the other. I needn't have worried. God can take care of her better than I ever could. The first Sunday back we were randomly invited to a birthday party for someone we didn't really know by another someone we didn't really know, and it turned out that the majority of the Church went to that party. We met everybody! His Spirit moves...
The next step in investing was to go to a Life Group the following Wednesday. I could write quite a bit on how wonderful those Life Groups have been, and how life giving the Psalm workthroughs I've been engaging with are, but suffice it to say it is the highlight of my week. Don't misunderstand me, I am beginning to see life in Whitman Christian Fellowship again, and the problem was entirely mine, but Journey Church is so fantastic. I guess it must have really anointed leadership. Speaking of the leadership, I have met with Pastor Gary a few times, and helped him with a personal project for a bit. This Thursday Zoey and I are having dinner with his family. And Wednesday is Life Group. His Spirit moves...
How much can I type without moving on to other arenas? A lot apparently. At that first Life Group I met a guy named Kurt who just stood out to me as someone very wise and close to God, because of some of his insights and suggestions during the study. As the meeting drew to a close, one Psalm brought him to tears as he shared about his legal deafness. He couldn't hear, and was losing more hearing all the time - it tore him up. Remember Kurt, we'll come back to him...
Since I've been back God has also been bringing my shame, the last vestige [known to me] of my tendency toward depression, under scrutiny. Do you all remember A League of Their Own, that movie where Tom Hanks is the manager of a womens baseball team? There's a line in that movie that comes right after Tom Hanks has been chewing out one of his players and she begins to cry. Tom Hanks doesn't know how what to say - he's baffled. "Crying? Are you crying?! There's no crying in baseball!" He pauses briefly and and in his shock repeats, "There's no crying in baseball!!" Well thanks to more factors in my life than I could recount coming together at once, I've come to realize what Jesus has been saying to me for so long. "Shame? Are you shamed? There's no shame in Me! There is no shame in Christ Jesus!!"
God has used that as an in, and then broadened His aim to include the rest of my defense mechanisms and the "false selves" or "posers" I project because of unresolved hurts in my past. Frequent meetings with some close guys (primarily Matt and Flynn) and an older gentlement and counselor named Rollie is the venue through which God has sought me out most forcefully. Of course, healing from old wounds isn't immediate, but just seeking them out prayerfully and taking them to God has started the ball a rollin'. I guess this a subject personal enough that you'll have to ask me about it to get more details, but know that love and foregiveness are at the heart of where God is moving in this sphere of my life. Essentially because of a few factors in my formative years, I have an unhealthy need to prove myself. I don't see myself as inherently valuable, and need to succeed at something to feel worth. There are times that I very seriously cannot believe anyone wants or needs me in their lives, because I just don't compare. I feel that in order to bless people I have to do the right things, and only by my ministering to their needs in some obvious way do I enrich their existence. I transfer that same mentality of being less than to God. What began with merely being less than my brother soon extended to being less than other guys in high school, and out of that was born so much bitterness (not to mention my dependence on video games as an escape - that place where I dominated, and I was better, and I could feel good about my competence, if not superiority). All I want is to be pleasing to, to be desired by, those close to me - God, Zoey, my parents, my siblings, my fellowship and on and on the list goes. I have every hope that facing my bitterness and my past will open the door for God to do some of that miracle stuff He does more often than most of us want to accept. I'm especially hopeful for a deeper and more loving relationship with my family, and more openness on my part towards things and places (coughGlenwoodcough) that until now my bitterness has kept shrowded in mean-looking-black-mind-clouds. =)
I feel it is appropriate to interject here how my contempt for men my age born out of the comparison bitterness carried me well into college. So did my addiction to video games. Did you know that my first semester at Whitman saw me play Halo between 15 and 25 hours per week? At any rate, anyone who has followed my progress knows that God worked on me very heavily towards the end of Freshman year and all throughout last year regarding male fellowship. I mean come on, I co-lead a Men's Group now! Between my moving from Royal City to Glenwood (circa 3rd grade) and the last two years, I have hardly let one or two guys my age get close to me. And even Brett and Nick I mistreated and held at a distance because of my feelings of absolute inadequacy. As a shout out to God and those men who have been God's healing hands, let me just take now to thank Don for starting it all, and Jared, Ben, Charlie, Nato, Flynn, Andrew, Colin, Jesse, Patrick, Peter, Matt, my brother Jimmie, and now Brian, Hans, Pete, another Peter, even Caleb, I mean man, the list goes on and on! I think back to Summit, Fall Conference, Shalom, Camp - the men there. And save Don, all these guys are men [roughly] my age. That is to say nothing of the older men and how much closer I've gotten to them, along with my own father. And do you know what's happened along with that? As I've been blessed with real male companionship, my relationships with women have become markedly and visibly different, and more healthy. Video games? Their presence is little more than a residue in my life, except when hanging out with those brothers we've just been discussing. In exchange for isolation and escape God has given me relationship and healing. Praise God man, praise God...
Whitman Christian Fellowship has been giving unreferenced Bible versess to every student on campus via their campus mail, as well as posting signs all around campus with similarly unreferenced supplimentary passages on them. The purpose being to let the Word of God speak for itself a little before negative stereotypes and unfounded barriers condemn the wisdom inherent in them. That began last Sunday (a week past), and every day until this coming Saturday a different verse will be distributed to each mailbox on campus. Saturday the campaign culminates in hours of personal testifying in the center of Ankeny Field via microphone. This effort has sparked a lot of productive thought, along with the standard "Religion? Hsss!" responses. We'll see where God takes it.
It was at the beginning of this huge move on the part of WCF to make God's presence felt on campus that my financial footing was pulled clear out from under me. My boss cut the max hours I could work to about half what I needed to get out of debt by May. Since then I've been praying for the right solution. Do I take a semester sabbatical and come back in the fall? Do I take out substantially more loans? Do I try and cut certain extra-curriculars out of my life and take on a second job instead? What? I know He is Sovereign, but I'm not what most people would call "patient"...
Last Tuesday some native South African missionaries came to our Large Group service and were so rediculously filled with the Holy Spirit I didn't know how to handle it. The were so real, and I didn't know what to think of off-hand allusions to amputated legs growing back as if such signs and wonders were so common to them. I came home discouraged and desperately hungry for Jesus. Since that night Pete took me to dinner it seemed as if God had been leading me up that moment, seeing if I really wanted Him as bad as I said. I was frustrated, but some peeps sought me out and we prayed and the general response from God was to show me how limited my perspective was, and that indeed yes, that same Spirit was available to me - you don't have to go abroad to see God move. He also tought me that night the deficiency of theology compared to faith. Solid God-forged faith will trump and persevere beyond theology and academia every time. Of course at this point, all I had was God's word that He was moving as powerfully around me as in the African stories. I decided to fast beginning Wednesday, and in a personally marvelous demonstration of God's glory, I broke fast Saturday in response to the moving of God in my wounded past. Let's take a closer look at this.
Remember all that desire to be pleasing up above? The last Wednesday of each month instead of doing its two separate Life Groups like usual, Journey has a thing at the Church to practice waiting on God. This is hard to conceptualize, and not much easier to explain, but what it amounted to was one person dividing the responsibilities of the ancient Israelite priesthood among us. What responsibility was I given? That office of priesthood responsible for "blessing and ministering to the LORD." Just let that sink in. Ready? Then Saturday where Flynn, Matt, Rollie and I were seeking out our wounds, I'd been fasting since Wednesday and it came around to Lunch time. I wasn't going to eat, but Rollie suggested maybe it would be a good time to break fast. I offered to pray for a few minutes to consider it, and God came through. I felt like I couldn't demonstrate my love for God by not eating for four days, but somehow could if I waited for seven. God would work in my life in the course of a week, but anything shorter and I was just somehow less. So healing came by the very act of accepting God's love as unconditional, and I just can't believe how God works sometimes. It's like a beautiful woven tapestry, where there are themes He hones in on time and again. You think its just a random act, but then that theme reappears again, and again, and again. You step back and realize He's always done that, and He's brought you to this point where the themes are beautiful enough by themselves, but are totally incomprehensible when you try and take in the whole picture. Wow.
Church Sunday began in a very uncanny way, with worship and words about intimacy with God. This of course being my whole desire that was formed into one coherent thought at dinner with Pete. I had been telling God I wanted Him, I wanted more of His love, more of His power, of Him in my life. And then Church starts off like that, and I laughed with joy and thanked God again for Journey Church. As if that were the extent of God's love. Tsk tsk. After worship, Kurt came up and told us how he had went to a healing service with the gentlemen from South Africa (and many other native and American missionaries from different parts of the globe). They prayed over him and his hearing returned to him. Completely. The last his doctor knew he had no hearing at all in his right ear, and twenty percent in his left, with very little speech recognition. On Friday when he insisted he get tested anew after this miracle, he had perfect hearing with 92% speech recognition AT ONLY 30% volume! Now I don't administer the tests, but just let the glory of God sink in huh? Right now your mind is probably explaining that away, beginning to question Kurt's condition, his reliability, maybe even my reliability. Again I laugh with joy and just revel in the fierce love and awesome power of our God.
In awe of God, today I'm just trying to get caught up on my school work. One hundred pages for the Theology of Hans Kung, two articles for Politics and Religion, selections from three separate sources for New Testament and Early Christianity - it is beginning to add up. I went to Reid Campus Center to have an early dinner with Zoey. While we were there I checked my mail, and along with four days of backed up unreferenced but familiar Bible verses, I got a few nothings and a mystery envelope. After we'd got our food and I'd read the verses, I opened the mystery envelope. That mystery envelope had four hundred and seventy seven dollars in cash. The LORD provides abundantly...
I'm still reading Pure Desire and somehow still unsure of whether or not God's Spirit is moving around me. Isn't that amazing? My doubts asks: Is God there? Can God heal me? After all of the work God has done, the highlights of which I have shared just now, how can I question Him? Can Satan, the world, or even my own stubbornness really compete with the sheer Might of the Creator? I puzzle at my own lack of faith, and again proclaim my confidence in Jesus Christ, the Holy One of God. Look around. The Spirit of God moves...
Zoey's father, Jim, insisted that I listen to some of their family's pastor's old sermons from the 90's, and gave me some tapes when I left Zoey's house. I've been listening to Pastor Ted talk about random things as I drive to and fro in Walla Walla, and the man may be the single most powerful teacher to whom I've ever listened. So I decided to purchase his book, Pure Desire, which factors into things later. Basically, at every point that I begin to wonder if God is moving or speaking to me, and I think I could go either way, I can push play and somehow, whatever Pastor Ted was saying, it becomes relevant, even decisive, as the final push needed to get me to acknowledge a personal word from God.
Immediately upon our return to Walla Walla, Zoey and I decided to really invest in a Church and make it our home Church. We prayed over my first choice, Journey, and basically felt very called to it. So we gave it a go, but still I was praying that God would provide access to fellowship for us. Anyone reading this had better know me well enough to know that I am totally extroverted, and have no inhibitions or reservations when it comes to meeting new people. Zoey however is much deeper and more reserved, so I was worried I might force her into uncomfortable situations on the one hand, or abandon her on the other. I needn't have worried. God can take care of her better than I ever could. The first Sunday back we were randomly invited to a birthday party for someone we didn't really know by another someone we didn't really know, and it turned out that the majority of the Church went to that party. We met everybody! His Spirit moves...
The next step in investing was to go to a Life Group the following Wednesday. I could write quite a bit on how wonderful those Life Groups have been, and how life giving the Psalm workthroughs I've been engaging with are, but suffice it to say it is the highlight of my week. Don't misunderstand me, I am beginning to see life in Whitman Christian Fellowship again, and the problem was entirely mine, but Journey Church is so fantastic. I guess it must have really anointed leadership. Speaking of the leadership, I have met with Pastor Gary a few times, and helped him with a personal project for a bit. This Thursday Zoey and I are having dinner with his family. And Wednesday is Life Group. His Spirit moves...
How much can I type without moving on to other arenas? A lot apparently. At that first Life Group I met a guy named Kurt who just stood out to me as someone very wise and close to God, because of some of his insights and suggestions during the study. As the meeting drew to a close, one Psalm brought him to tears as he shared about his legal deafness. He couldn't hear, and was losing more hearing all the time - it tore him up. Remember Kurt, we'll come back to him...
Since I've been back God has also been bringing my shame, the last vestige [known to me] of my tendency toward depression, under scrutiny. Do you all remember A League of Their Own, that movie where Tom Hanks is the manager of a womens baseball team? There's a line in that movie that comes right after Tom Hanks has been chewing out one of his players and she begins to cry. Tom Hanks doesn't know how what to say - he's baffled. "Crying? Are you crying?! There's no crying in baseball!" He pauses briefly and and in his shock repeats, "There's no crying in baseball!!" Well thanks to more factors in my life than I could recount coming together at once, I've come to realize what Jesus has been saying to me for so long. "Shame? Are you shamed? There's no shame in Me! There is no shame in Christ Jesus!!"
God has used that as an in, and then broadened His aim to include the rest of my defense mechanisms and the "false selves" or "posers" I project because of unresolved hurts in my past. Frequent meetings with some close guys (primarily Matt and Flynn) and an older gentlement and counselor named Rollie is the venue through which God has sought me out most forcefully. Of course, healing from old wounds isn't immediate, but just seeking them out prayerfully and taking them to God has started the ball a rollin'. I guess this a subject personal enough that you'll have to ask me about it to get more details, but know that love and foregiveness are at the heart of where God is moving in this sphere of my life. Essentially because of a few factors in my formative years, I have an unhealthy need to prove myself. I don't see myself as inherently valuable, and need to succeed at something to feel worth. There are times that I very seriously cannot believe anyone wants or needs me in their lives, because I just don't compare. I feel that in order to bless people I have to do the right things, and only by my ministering to their needs in some obvious way do I enrich their existence. I transfer that same mentality of being less than to God. What began with merely being less than my brother soon extended to being less than other guys in high school, and out of that was born so much bitterness (not to mention my dependence on video games as an escape - that place where I dominated, and I was better, and I could feel good about my competence, if not superiority). All I want is to be pleasing to, to be desired by, those close to me - God, Zoey, my parents, my siblings, my fellowship and on and on the list goes. I have every hope that facing my bitterness and my past will open the door for God to do some of that miracle stuff He does more often than most of us want to accept. I'm especially hopeful for a deeper and more loving relationship with my family, and more openness on my part towards things and places (coughGlenwoodcough) that until now my bitterness has kept shrowded in mean-looking-black-mind-clouds. =)
I feel it is appropriate to interject here how my contempt for men my age born out of the comparison bitterness carried me well into college. So did my addiction to video games. Did you know that my first semester at Whitman saw me play Halo between 15 and 25 hours per week? At any rate, anyone who has followed my progress knows that God worked on me very heavily towards the end of Freshman year and all throughout last year regarding male fellowship. I mean come on, I co-lead a Men's Group now! Between my moving from Royal City to Glenwood (circa 3rd grade) and the last two years, I have hardly let one or two guys my age get close to me. And even Brett and Nick I mistreated and held at a distance because of my feelings of absolute inadequacy. As a shout out to God and those men who have been God's healing hands, let me just take now to thank Don for starting it all, and Jared, Ben, Charlie, Nato, Flynn, Andrew, Colin, Jesse, Patrick, Peter, Matt, my brother Jimmie, and now Brian, Hans, Pete, another Peter, even Caleb, I mean man, the list goes on and on! I think back to Summit, Fall Conference, Shalom, Camp - the men there. And save Don, all these guys are men [roughly] my age. That is to say nothing of the older men and how much closer I've gotten to them, along with my own father. And do you know what's happened along with that? As I've been blessed with real male companionship, my relationships with women have become markedly and visibly different, and more healthy. Video games? Their presence is little more than a residue in my life, except when hanging out with those brothers we've just been discussing. In exchange for isolation and escape God has given me relationship and healing. Praise God man, praise God...
Whitman Christian Fellowship has been giving unreferenced Bible versess to every student on campus via their campus mail, as well as posting signs all around campus with similarly unreferenced supplimentary passages on them. The purpose being to let the Word of God speak for itself a little before negative stereotypes and unfounded barriers condemn the wisdom inherent in them. That began last Sunday (a week past), and every day until this coming Saturday a different verse will be distributed to each mailbox on campus. Saturday the campaign culminates in hours of personal testifying in the center of Ankeny Field via microphone. This effort has sparked a lot of productive thought, along with the standard "Religion? Hsss!" responses. We'll see where God takes it.
It was at the beginning of this huge move on the part of WCF to make God's presence felt on campus that my financial footing was pulled clear out from under me. My boss cut the max hours I could work to about half what I needed to get out of debt by May. Since then I've been praying for the right solution. Do I take a semester sabbatical and come back in the fall? Do I take out substantially more loans? Do I try and cut certain extra-curriculars out of my life and take on a second job instead? What? I know He is Sovereign, but I'm not what most people would call "patient"...
Last Tuesday some native South African missionaries came to our Large Group service and were so rediculously filled with the Holy Spirit I didn't know how to handle it. The were so real, and I didn't know what to think of off-hand allusions to amputated legs growing back as if such signs and wonders were so common to them. I came home discouraged and desperately hungry for Jesus. Since that night Pete took me to dinner it seemed as if God had been leading me up that moment, seeing if I really wanted Him as bad as I said. I was frustrated, but some peeps sought me out and we prayed and the general response from God was to show me how limited my perspective was, and that indeed yes, that same Spirit was available to me - you don't have to go abroad to see God move. He also tought me that night the deficiency of theology compared to faith. Solid God-forged faith will trump and persevere beyond theology and academia every time. Of course at this point, all I had was God's word that He was moving as powerfully around me as in the African stories. I decided to fast beginning Wednesday, and in a personally marvelous demonstration of God's glory, I broke fast Saturday in response to the moving of God in my wounded past. Let's take a closer look at this.
Remember all that desire to be pleasing up above? The last Wednesday of each month instead of doing its two separate Life Groups like usual, Journey has a thing at the Church to practice waiting on God. This is hard to conceptualize, and not much easier to explain, but what it amounted to was one person dividing the responsibilities of the ancient Israelite priesthood among us. What responsibility was I given? That office of priesthood responsible for "blessing and ministering to the LORD." Just let that sink in. Ready? Then Saturday where Flynn, Matt, Rollie and I were seeking out our wounds, I'd been fasting since Wednesday and it came around to Lunch time. I wasn't going to eat, but Rollie suggested maybe it would be a good time to break fast. I offered to pray for a few minutes to consider it, and God came through. I felt like I couldn't demonstrate my love for God by not eating for four days, but somehow could if I waited for seven. God would work in my life in the course of a week, but anything shorter and I was just somehow less. So healing came by the very act of accepting God's love as unconditional, and I just can't believe how God works sometimes. It's like a beautiful woven tapestry, where there are themes He hones in on time and again. You think its just a random act, but then that theme reappears again, and again, and again. You step back and realize He's always done that, and He's brought you to this point where the themes are beautiful enough by themselves, but are totally incomprehensible when you try and take in the whole picture. Wow.
Church Sunday began in a very uncanny way, with worship and words about intimacy with God. This of course being my whole desire that was formed into one coherent thought at dinner with Pete. I had been telling God I wanted Him, I wanted more of His love, more of His power, of Him in my life. And then Church starts off like that, and I laughed with joy and thanked God again for Journey Church. As if that were the extent of God's love. Tsk tsk. After worship, Kurt came up and told us how he had went to a healing service with the gentlemen from South Africa (and many other native and American missionaries from different parts of the globe). They prayed over him and his hearing returned to him. Completely. The last his doctor knew he had no hearing at all in his right ear, and twenty percent in his left, with very little speech recognition. On Friday when he insisted he get tested anew after this miracle, he had perfect hearing with 92% speech recognition AT ONLY 30% volume! Now I don't administer the tests, but just let the glory of God sink in huh? Right now your mind is probably explaining that away, beginning to question Kurt's condition, his reliability, maybe even my reliability. Again I laugh with joy and just revel in the fierce love and awesome power of our God.
In awe of God, today I'm just trying to get caught up on my school work. One hundred pages for the Theology of Hans Kung, two articles for Politics and Religion, selections from three separate sources for New Testament and Early Christianity - it is beginning to add up. I went to Reid Campus Center to have an early dinner with Zoey. While we were there I checked my mail, and along with four days of backed up unreferenced but familiar Bible verses, I got a few nothings and a mystery envelope. After we'd got our food and I'd read the verses, I opened the mystery envelope. That mystery envelope had four hundred and seventy seven dollars in cash. The LORD provides abundantly...
I'm still reading Pure Desire and somehow still unsure of whether or not God's Spirit is moving around me. Isn't that amazing? My doubts asks: Is God there? Can God heal me? After all of the work God has done, the highlights of which I have shared just now, how can I question Him? Can Satan, the world, or even my own stubbornness really compete with the sheer Might of the Creator? I puzzle at my own lack of faith, and again proclaim my confidence in Jesus Christ, the Holy One of God. Look around. The Spirit of God moves...
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