Tuesday, November 29, 2005

columbia river bible camp

Oh man, let's talk about people I miss a lot: Camp peeps! Unfortunately, this also happens to be the group of people I have kept in poorest touch with. Fortunately, I plan on visiting them sometime between Christmas and New Years. Let's just fill everyone who isn't blessed enough to go to CRBC every summer in on how cool each of these dearest friends are.
I suppose we'd have to start with Peter. I have only really gotten to know him these last few years, but oh man, better late than never. This guy rocks my world. His heart for God, his energy, his open-mindedness, and his mad skills in the band make everyone want to idolize him. Which is it is so significant that he always overtly gives credit to God and displays a humility uncharastic of guys our age. I've picked up quite a bit of wisdom and perspective from this guy, not to mention a great friend and brother. Thanks Peter.
And this is the amazing Ashley Eggar. I only really met Ashley E. last year at camp, but the past two years have been so friggin' awesome. Mostly, she is just inspiring. Let me tell you a little a bout her, and why she makes me so happy. I guess the most important part is that from what I can see of her, her heart is dead centered on God. We're talking a wonderful young woman of God. But what makes that so powerful is that people look up to her. So often I hear about how Christians should be making non-believers wonder "what have they got that I don't?" Do I ever actually see that? Well I do with Ashley. She is extremely athletic (I've never seen a girl... well, anyone actually, in person, as buff as her). She is also funny and intelligent. And one of the most amazing things about her is her modesty. She is about the most beautiful woman you'll ever see, and we've already mentioned she's athletic... but she's humble, and dresses humbly as well. Like Peter, she is pretty uncharacteristic of American youth, and it's refreshing. Thanks Ashley.
Now let's talk about Missy and Kelli (left to right). I only just met Missy this year, but I got to hear her testimony and see her interact with campers and counselors quite a bit. Hers is one of those unbelievably powerful stories, where friends steer a Child of God down a bad path, and God waits until the perfect moment to bring it all back to His glory. She alone is evidence enough that CRBC is worth it. I look forward to seeing more of you in the years to come Missy. Kelli has been a dear friend for ages, though you wouldn't know it given how much I write her (sorry friend) . I don't remember which year we met, but the last two summers with her at least have been pivotal points in my life. Two summers ago the whole experience got me back in line with God. Last summer though, was real crucial. See, for years and years I've been seeking God - saddling up next to people I knew were in close contact with the Big Guy, and hoping to catch every drop of knowledge and wisdom they might send my way. But Kelli was the point around which God gave my life a spin this summer. See, though I'd been a Bible Study leader for a full year, I was still the type who wanted to glean all I could from others, and hog all the holiness I could contain for myself, so I could try and figure things out for me. I've also struggled a lot with my imperfection and depression. This last year, Kelli got a little dose of that herself. And God finally brought me out of the shadows of others, and demonstrated, through my interactions with her, that no really, I can lead people. I can affect them. I can even <gasp> help them sometimes, and effectively point them to God. I'm not professing a hidden arrogance, or even saying I do that all the time now. But I do know that it is possible, and that God is using me. He uses me! Thanks Kelli, for letting me see that, and for being an unwitting accomplice to the Will of God. Aaaah, my Sumo brothers. Jesse and Patrick are both critical figures in God developing male-fellowship into my life. They've been around a few years now, but it was really only this summer that I really became friends with them and let them into my heart, so to speak. They are both pretty talented musically, and obviously cool. I mean just look at their picture! Anyway, we got to talk a lot about male issues, and keep each other accountable given the abundance of immodesty, even at a conservative Christian summer camp. We really impacted one another, and though I'm horrible with keeping in close contact with them as well, it isn't unheard of for us to still keep each other accountable and in prayer. I truly love these guys and the time we shared together. They again made me feel as if God was so almighty and powerful that not only could He hand-craft the cosmos, He could even change stubborn and rebellious little me. Thanks boyos. I'll be visiting over Christmas break my friends, look for me...
And this would be Jessica Cline, who I only met this summer and is now going to Ecola Bible College in Cannon Beach last I heard (I hope to go to Ecola after Whitman). She is my example of someone flexible to God's will. First of all, she had a heart just breaking for many of the girls at camp. She is full of love and compassion over the family situations, bad attitudes, and just poor judgement some of the young teen girls had to deal with at camp. Then, as she's seeking God as to her purpose and His will for her throughout camp, being frustrated with not being able to share with her girls the forsight they are lacking, God calls her to Ecola. Camp is at the beginning of August folks, and she didn't decide until the end of camp to up and go. Now I don't know how that worked out for her, I'm too lame and haven't written her since shortly after that, but I do know God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, and she fits that description! May God bless all you do Jessica, and be a Light unto your Path.

columbia river bible camp (continued)

You don't think I'm already done talking about camp do you? Nonsense! Let's talk about the Woolbrights. This family may just be the largest most constant influence at camp. They've always been, and always will be. From left to right up there it's: Ashley, Jessica, Nathan, Rachel and myself. Not pictured are Karen (the mother of this fine bunch) and Alycia, who sadly wasn't there this year. I don't know what to say about this family to do them justice. Karen and I talked a ton this year, and it's no wonder her children turned out so perfect. She's sweet, understanding, wise, loving - ya know, everything the mother of perfect children needs to be. Jessica, the oldest of the Woolbright offspring, just graduated from college and is an inspiration to me personally. Her advice concerning my sister (given that she has so many) was nothing like anything I'd ever heard before. She has made connections I never would've realized, and helped me at least to get on the path of being more loving to my sister (though I still need to love you better Mariah). I try and let Jessica know how thankful I am, maybe someday she'll realize it. Alycia, next in line, got married between last camp and this one. The most remarkable thing about the very few days I had the pleasure of spending with Alycia was her friendliness. You want loved, this girl knows how. Missy, from up above, was at camp because of this woman. Not only do I wish her the best in her marriage, but I think her for counseling me through rough times last summer. Next come Rachel and Nathan, the two I know the least well. Rachel is also at Ecola Bible school, last I heard. She's got a heart for God, like the rest of the family, but she's also uniquely "cool." Ya know, that look and attitude that makes people want to be like her because she's just... cool. And Nathan, I'm not even sure if I've even talked more than twice with this guy, but he's the only boy man, you gotta take your hat off in reverence for that. So my hat's off to you Nathan. And then Ashley, the youngest, is really close friends with Ashley Eggar. I met them both at the same time, and they are a lot alike. Charming, athletic, sweet young women of God. Ashley W. is probably the person who is most forgiving and most consistent in trying to maintain ties of communication with me out of all the CRBCites. Thanks Ashley, for proving to me that young people with ample opportunity to turn away from God might still choose Him. God bless this whole family, because they have blessed me SO much.Here is a picture of the band. You already know Peter, but Amanda (to his left) is another key player. She leads the worship band every year now, and is also a counselor for part of camp. That's a lot to handle, that's all I'm saying. The fact that she can still have fun, while maintaining all of her duties and trying to genuinely love a bunch of sometimes ungrateful or unwilling teenage girls is... admirable. Plus, she tolerate's me :) Being in the worship band this last summer, though only for a day or two, has opened up a new world to me back at college. Her invitation to lead has wrought an entire semester of leading worship here on campus - plus vocal lessons and a renewed perspective and passion for worship music. Yay!
Now this is Peter (again), and on the far right, Kendell, if I'm not mistaken. But Sarah Beth on the left, is why this picture is special. Coming from where she does, having grown up in Glenwood as the younger sister of this one guy in my class, man this girl is a miracle. No joke, a Miracle. Sarah is loving and kind and sweet and smart and fun. Her dad is the same way. He may have been the strongest and best influence on my dad for the last decade, and now my dad's a different man. So thank you Howard. And thank you Sarah Beth. Your friendship and backscratching blows me away, and you are a highlight of camp. Don't you be forgettin' it either.
Now I just figured you needed to see some candids. Up above we have Austin Eggar, and Jason (I think). Austin's the charming fellow with the tongue. The Eggars are the other family that just dumbfounds me when I think of how wonderful the children are consistently, and how much impact this one group of people will have on our world. Austin is, like Ashley, super buff, and super awesome. Their youngest sibling Aaron is just as rad too. Man I adore these three. I have been blessed to have Eggars in my cabins every year for a while now, and that's a trend I definitely want to continue.
Lake? Dock? Girls to show off for? Boys will be boys, garaunteed...

And if you look up cute in the dictionary, you will find this girl (and the teddy bear). That's Rachel, and her friend Griddles. She drew a picture on my camp shirt of a shining cross above a heart, and would say and do the cutest things - yeah, she's like 5. No really, she is the epitome of cute - it doesn't get cuter than her. Inspiration abounds at Columbia River Bible camp, 2005!!

Monday, November 21, 2005

misc.

To the curious observer:
Yes, of course I read all of your comments :) In fact that's the highlight of my blog experience.
No, Jared didn't beat me at GB.
<sigh> I miss Zoey.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I miss Molly and Myra and Jared and... <sigh> so many so much.
I get to see my family in a few days!
Wolverine would totally kick Spiderman's butt.
Hi Sarah!
I have to write papers over my break :(
I will have elk meat soon, and pickled heart and liver. Dad says its good...
I'm going to work.
That is all.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

about me


So as I think more and more of family I realize that I haven't ever really wrote a ton about my past or my quirky nature. So I justify the following because it might fill in blanks some of you have regarding me. But mostly... it's because Molly did it :)

10 years ago i was: playing video games and missing real friends I'd left in Royal City
5 years ago i was: playing video games and wondering if I'd ever actually had real friends
1 year ago i was: finally beginning to transition completely to real friends from video games
yesterday i was: stressing about more school work and other stuff than I've ever had before
tomorrow i will: finally finish this hellacious week and prepare for a much needed Sabbath

5 snacks i enjoy
quesadillas
oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (momma style)
oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough (also de mere/madre)
chips & some of my aunt Linda's 95 gallons of homemade salsa
most things Nato makes

5 bands/artists to which i know the lyrics
Richard Marx
Garth Brooks
Faith Hill
Chris Isaak
The Eagles Lynyrd Skynrd Tom Petty Bon Jovi Band Journey Boston
I can't believe how much I miss music from home now!

5 things i would do with 100,000 dollars
tithe $10,000, sending it to relief efforts in the earthquake ravaged areas of South Asia
buy myself a nice new outfit, maybe even a suit or tux; take Zoey dress shopping
take Zoey out to a really nice dinner in our new formal attire
pay for my education, pay off loans etc.
save the rest and quit work so I could focus more on my studies

5 places i would run away to
Jared's house
Myra's house
Zoey's house
a beach house
my house

5 bad habits i have
poor time management; procrastination
a God-complex (a.k.a. a sinful nature) characterized primarily by selfishness and control-lust
recurring [paralyzing] self-hatred and depression
laziness
judging and condemning others and myself instead of accepting and sharing love and grace

5 things i like doing
singing praise and worship to God
cuddling and snuggling
playing video games, especially Pokemon, Zelda, Final Fantasy, Halo (1), Smash Brothers etc.
immersing myself completely in the love and fellowship with which I seem perpetually blessed
completing a job well-done, and surprisingly, I'm thinking especially of stacking wood back home

5 things i will never wear
a skirt
a thong
bling bling
a wife-beater
anything where a piercing is a prerequisite

5 tv shows i enjoy
the Star Treks (especially The Next Generation, Voyager, and Deep Space Nine)
Whose Line Is It Anyway
cartoons
autobiographies on cool people like Leonard Nimoy
programs like the Discovery Channel, I dunno, I haven't had television in like a decade

5 fictional characters i would like to date
man, I'm satisfied dating a real character; she's got Lt. Robin Lefler, Princess Amidala, Hermione Granger, Princess Zelda, and Gym Leader Sabrina beat by a long shot :) thanks Zoey

5 biggest joys of the moment
summitting Mt. Adams
that first kiss
beating Matt, Ben, Jared and all other competitors at Galactic Battlegrounds :)
being the greatest Pokemon Master of them all!!
mostly seeing the work of Jesus manifest around me; letting Him hold me tight and comfort me

5 favorite possessions
Mew, the 151st pokemon that you could only get from Nintendo (or from someone who got it from Nintendo by buying it from eBay)
my Sonic the Hedgehog plush; yes, some of you have seem him in my classes
my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle blanket/toga/cape/tapestry/robe, also frequenting my classes
my Bible and Bible underlining kit
my Star Trek: The Next Generation video cassettes, and Deep Space Nine DVDs

5 favorite smells
hickory smoke
vanilla candle/perfume
wood fire
fresh baking in general
rain

Friday, November 11, 2005

grace

I've been a little sickly of late, so I came home tonight and took a nap in lieu of some of my more academic pursuits. For one reason or another I was feeling pretty depressed about myself as a person, and when I woke up the first time to talk to Zoey I just didn't want to be awake or exist - I wanted my pain and my disgust with myself to just go away. So I went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I started talking to my friend Yahweh "Help me out here. Forgive me man. Not because of who I am, or how good I can be, not even because of how much I love you. Forgive me because of your love for me. You are constant and sovereign, and man, I am so inconsistent, so broken, so worthless. I doubt, I ignore, I violate - the list goes on and on here Father. I've prayed for the same things time and again, sinned in the same ways time and again, and have absolutely no hope in myself. So out of your goodness, out of your constant love for me that doesn't wax or wane, forgive me God. Love me in spite of... no, that's not right, because of, my sinfulness. Love me God. Cleanse me. Forgive me." Ya know, I'm not real comfortable with people saying offhandedly this that and the other thing that they've just "heard from God." But right then, as I was praying, I had an overwhelming sense of a simple "I ALREADY HAVE." How many times have I struggled with grace? How many times in the last month have I read and reread those few chapters of Romans? How many times have I poured over the content of The Passion of the Christ this last week? That is precisely why He sent His Son to die on the cross! For me. Out of His love. Men's Small Group tonight was just a time of prayer and fellowship for us gents, and the message God was sending me both directly and through Flynn and Rollie was pretty simple: "Don't sweat it kiddo. Stop worrying so much. Don't buy into that lie and hate yourself. You're My child, and I delight in you. Don't doubt whether or not I will forgive you." It's really quite obvious: He already has.

Days like today make me think of the two most influential peeps in my life in my formative years. People without whom I would be living a very different life right now. Molly and Don. Though I'm older than Molly, she has essentially watched me "grow up" from your typical middle-schooler dying for acceptance, to the man I am now, broken but entirely bent on the Kingdom of God.* Our relationship is an odd one, starting on this band trip when I was probably 14. We've never spent substantial time together really, more than that trip to Victoria or her one visit to Whitman my freshman year. But there is so much love there. We've had more than one heartbreak and misunderstanding between us, but we've survived to be there for one another through suicides, deaths, spiritual crises, and the most confusing and trying of times. And really, there's no reason why our friendship should have made it through it all. That's ambiguous, but there are years and years of details here. She has been the most influential person in my spiritual life to date, and the greatest friend I could've had in that hell that was High School (in my school this was really just Junior High for big people). Finally God has brought me to a place where Molly and I can share with one another, where I can suppliment her life for a change, with my "wisdom" and advise. It's finally a two-way road I feel, and that only makes me treasure it more. We're states apart Molly, but I love you sis.
And Don? Don was essentially my archetype for male-fellowship - he gave me the first real taste of the beauty of this half of the human race, and all my male comeraderie now is at least loosely based on what God blessed me with in Don. Don helped me through a lot of deep questions and pivotal life choices, but was someone I never viewed as superior or infallible. Just... a great guy. He was comfortable with who he was, and real about his struggles. He gave me straight up advice and wasn't afraid to tell me when I was bonehead. In addition to introducing me to cool words like "flyblowed," Don has been a Guru of sorts - someone who has done as much inspiration as revelation as far as how I should live, how to make God a priority, how to recognize Truth etc. As I began to recognize certain dangers or limitations with loading all of my support and friendship onto co-ed relationships, Don was the man who I went to to get straightened out. Days like today make me greateful to God for all of the forming He's done, and is doing, to my person. People like Molly and Don have so radically altered the course of my life that their impact is literally incomprehensible. My hat's off to you two. I love you both more than you can possibly know this side of heaven.

*Kingdom of God is one of dozens of loaded "religious" words I've used throughout my blog. I don't expect that everyone who reads this will be familiar with what I mean when I use these terms that, though accurately depicting what I'm trying to convey, are nonetheless confusing to people who aren't familiar with them in their original context. If you want to know what I mean, I don't have a problem telling you in greater detail, just ask me.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Myra and Jared

I miss these two so much! Myra has been one of my absolute best friends of all times. We lived right next to each other in our freshmen section, 4-[B]EAST, in Jewett. My God how am I surviving without her? Myra, how am I surviving without you!?! Here I am, finally being compelled, nay, forced, to face my foreign nemesis, La Bibliotheque, and where is that warrior who knows my enemy better than she knows herself? In Washington D.C. this semester and in Australia the next! Ack! Myra, my love, I am so stressed and it's beginning to affect more than just my complexion; my memory, my everyday functioning, my observations - they're all beginning to decline. Where art thou Myra? <sigh> A man never had a better friend than thee. As you can see, Myra and I go way back. She has given me more support, more hugs, more advice, and just more love, than I ever asked for, and way more than I deserve. All I have to say about this wonderful woman is that she by no means deserves to have to live near me for the rest of her life, but she hasn't any other alternative. Myra, let's be friends forever.

And what about this guy, huh? I don't even remember how I met Jared. I do know that the first thing I remember thinking was "wow, I wonder if this guy is gonna survive at Whitman with that pro-Bush poster?" Funny thing that. He left. Whitman obviously treated him well. You know Jared, the longer I'm here the less I like it too. Humph. But maybe that comes with the stress yeah? Pbth, whatever. I miss you man. I have far too little Star Trek in my diet, no WarCraft III, and honestly, the Galactic Battlegrounds is beginning to wear on me. In this my hour of male-fellowship-realized, where are you? The Naval Academy. Sad. But my love isn't inhibited by the distance my brother, oh no. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," right? Right. There is no word or blessing I could write here that would do you the justice due, or convey the gratitude felt. You are missed terribly. I could use some of your humor, some good worshipping, some WCIII, some somethin' man. I feel like it's only a matter of time until I collapse, and that's a sucky feeling, let me tell ya =) God bless you Jared, and I absolutely CANNOT wait until Christmas break and seeing you, you handsome douche you.

Peace be unto you my dear dear friends, wherever you are and whatever you're up to.

reminiscence

I have been thinking a lot of old friends lately, who probably think I have fallen off the face of the planet. I have decided when things in my life aren't worthy of your interest, worthy of note, or even worthy of giving you material to aide in your procrastination (hmm, who am I talking about?), that I shall give small blurbs and histories of so many of the friends that I miss. Of Jared the Gamer, and Myra the Cute. Of Molly the Pansy and Guru Don. Of Cat Fatty-Stinky-Penguinness, Kari Mushuness, and Alyssa who-I've-never-called-anything-but-Alyssa. Even my family, Jimmie, Mariah, Jensi and Dale. Of Zoey the Wonderful. Of so many of my dear friends from Church Camp each summer - Kelli, Missy, Peter, Amanda, the Ashleys, the Jessica's, all of the rest of the Eggars and the Woolbrights, and especially my Sumo Brothers, Patrick and Jesse (and many, many more - it's camp!). Of my NYLC homies. Of my Honor Band peeps (that's right Darcie). Of Tasha, and Kevin, and Brett. Of theVal. I've just got so many of you on my heart. Sarah the Short. Flynn and Sarah the Beautifuls. Colin the Smasher and Charlie the Smashed. Yeah, of so many friends, new and old, that I am so thankful for and blessed by. Ben the Bald and Nato the Talented. Andrea the Settler. Kimsath Or. And Julie the Elusive (who just popped out of the woodwork, or brickwork, as it were. Yay!). Emily the Huggable. Megs the-only-Meg. Jenny and Lisa and Eduardo and Hailey, my closest Anderson BS peeps. Yeah. L to the Ynette, and David of the Ozog clan. Zach Attack... man, I just miss so many people sometimes. Jon and Eric the Hardcores. I do love people. I could never write enough about all the people I miss. Hopefully though, I'll let each of you know in person, so you don't have to be limited to a small bit of publicity on this obscure website :) Cheers to all of you, who have made my life so flavorful and awesome.

So one of my professors keeps calling me Joseph, and I don't have the heart to tell him he's actually had my name wrong the entire semester. So now my fellow Religion major Gareth has decided to rename me Jonas. And he's persistent. I don't get it.

I dread schoolwork. I don't know how to feel about my presentation on The Passion of the Christ tomorrow in my Judaism class. I'm particularly thrilled about my 5-7 page paper on Moses Mendelssohn's interpretation of Judaism for my Modern Western Religious Thought class. I'm kind of excited about my 3-4 page Plato's Republic paper on a Christian kallipolis (Eutopia) which will then turn into a 9-12 page paper on the same topic. But the real kicker is the 15 page paper on Jewish intermarriage due at the end of the semester, at the same time as the 9-12 page kallipolis paper and the take home quiz in Modern Western. Sorry, I had to vent. And when I look at the next three semesters, I realize, this is only the beginning...

MY DAD AND SISTER JUST GOT AN ELK. EACH! My dad got a spike bull elk, and two days later, this morning at like 7:30, my little sister got her first cow elk! Hell yeah! Elk meat for Thanksgiving! Elk meat for Christmas! Elk meat for theBirch for me baby! Elk meat for the next epoch! Yeah! My sister has got to be bouncing off the walls with excitement! I am! Yeah sis!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

me buen jesus

Jesus Christ is my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer. I don't understand His exact relationship with God the Father and Holy Spirit; I don't know exactly to what extent the Will of what we refer to as the Trinity necessarily forces itself upon us and to what extent we have Freedom of the Will; you know, I don't even know precisely how Sanctification relates to Justification;* but I don't need to. El Shaddai sent my Messiah to personally and completely atone for my sins, and now the Advocate pleads on my behalf with groanings deeper than words. The conclusion I've reached with all of these loaded, confusing words? God is good. Life is good. I am blessed, baby!
Fall Conference was almost a week ago now, and for readability/brevity I'll just focus on the highlights, but know that it was awesome! The thing I am most thankful for is that it was much more than emotional high, which come on, in a pinch I could have induced chemically. My personal relationship with God, my walk with Jesus, the anointing of the Holy Spirit - however you want to word our dialogue with the Big Guy - was very specifically blessed and directed last weekend. In addition to a rockin' Small Group, I'm talking very specific callings, which I will now enumerate:
1) God challenged me to really look at my kindred (particularly all those ones that annoy me, anger me, confuse me, etc. - oh yeah, and that sort of includes me as well) as Children of God. As image-bearers, I can trust that God made us all for a purpose, and all with an equal portion of His likeness. Hmm. That one made me stop and think. I imagine I'll be stoppin' and thinkin' on that all my life...
2) Check this picture out. Yeah, I'm talkin' RACIAL RECONCILIATION. What I mean is, I have felt called before to seek racial reconciliation, maybe even to pastor a multi-racial church, but tangible ways to implement that calling weren't communicated well. Reverend Harvy Drake did a fine job at that. In summary: CELEBRATE. That's right. Just ponder that picture man.
3) Rev. Drake spoke quite a bit on scriptural authority. As in: it is absolute. No matter how uncomfortable it makes us, or how much it requires us to set ourselves apart, or how demanding or unfounded it it may seem. The more you explore the depths of its rich wisdom and love, the more you can trust that maybe God does know what He's talking about. This isn't a new thing for me really, but I dig it, so it was worth mentioning. He also forced us to think specifically about tough controversial stuff - no one that went left unchallenged.
4) Psalm 47. What does it say? Look it up - I had to! This passage just came to me, and I didn't have a clue what it said, I just knew it was from God. I'd never had an unheard of verse come to me like that. It was tight! Praise Him :)
5) On that note, God gave me a complete breakthrough where worship is concerned. No more worrying about whether or not Whitties will see me - even here I'm able to just praise Him without getting caught up in reputation or vanity. Arms up, on my knees, singing, dancing - wherever I feel it needs to go.
6) That's it for AT the conference, but since I've been back there have been two huge blessings (not to say that there won't be fruit borne from this conference forever...) worthy of note:
a) God is giving me peace and confidence in Him as I approach the most challenging weeks of my academic life EVER. Man I feel like I'll just snap and go clinically and truly insane - but He's there, my Fortress, as it were.
b) Zoey! Our relationship is going in a wonderful direction, and it has made significant strides since Fall Conference. It's not finite or anything, and it's not really directly related to Fall Conference, so it will no doubt continue to undulate and be better and worse and yaddah yaddah; but we're seeking God and it is materializing very obviously in front of our very eyes, and it's wonderful! Man I like that girl...

That is all.

*in fact, I believe anyone who thinks they know, beyond all shadow of doubt, the nature of any of these questions is supremely arrogant, if not blasphemous - only God can know such transcendental relationships, which by definition are beyond our comprehension =) Next time you pray, try praying to God as He knows Himself to be, and not as you conceive of Him (see how limited He becomes when He only exists as you think He exists?)!