peaches!

Today is Thursday: Men's Group tonight! Fall Conference tomorrow! I have to write a [one-page] paper on what Immanuel Kant thinks the significance of Jesus of Nazareth is. But what matters is that my housemate Mika just gave me a Peach Preserves Candle that smells delicious and is a delightful half-wax half-gel hybrid. This wonderful act of kindness on her part brings me great joy, and I am thankful for it. Aren't you? My first GEL CANDLE for cryin' out loud! YES!! So here is a picture of her for you all to enjoy. Thanks Mika.
I'm going to go pray, and then read about this guy from Nazareth and see what Kant thinks. <sigh> I wish I was playing pokemon...

in-class notes

Here I am in class, and Kant bores me. No, not true - this class bores me; Kant just confuses me. My mind wanders...

Yesterday was a wretched and horrible day, and for really no reason. Diet? Chemical imbalance? Spiritual attack? Pbth, who knows. The point is that I was in that mood that is my least favorite of all, and I skipped Plato's Republic to go home and numb myself somehow. Originally I planned to nap, but I ended up playing some Pokemon instead. Jared called! So I talked to him for 67 minutes, and God used him to give me perspective (yet again). Thank God for this man! We didn't talk about any one necessary thing, we just talked, and he made my day. Thanks Jared...

"It's in the realm of neumena! Is it intelligible? Does it make sense? He's talking about some sort of pretemporal..." Hmm. I should be paying attention. Anyway, back to my story:

So I kept playing pokemon because though my attitude and soul were brightened, I still felt burdened by certain stresses. I got out of the cave on the Whirl Islands, tied up all my loose ends in Johto, organized the pokemon in my boxes, got out the items I thought I'd need for my Kanto adventure, and set off on the Magnet Train to Saffron City. In catching Lugia in the cave before my last save, I had obtained the final element to my Ultimate Team, with which I want to proceed with my Kanto adventure. However, I have to balance with that raising of the Ultimate Team, the pursuit of "Catch[ing] Em' All" to complete my pokedex. So I gathered two eggs into my party (which when they are due will hatch into two cute little Mareep), withdrew a Nidoran female from my box , and went out and caught a low level Pidgey. The purpose of the latter two pokemon being in my party, being as ordinary and common as they are, is simply to evolve them into their highest evolutions, thereby adding to my pokedex. I save my game in Pewter City, completely prepared to conquer Kanto at my earliest convenience...

"Why cannot the possibility be impugned? 'You ought, therefore you can.'" Now Carly is talking. I'm still not listening...

I'm fasting today and tomorrow (liquids only), and will promptly, at the conclusion of class, spend an hour praying and reading Scripture. Then I have a make-up Judaism class, and I'll have another hour of the same. And this weekend is Fall Conference. Pray God would use the fast and the conference to rock my world.

Class is now over. Good bye!

pensive

A few nights ago I had an elaborate dream of my friend Jared. Sadly, Jared and Whitman didn't get along so well, and he decided to transfer to the Naval Academy (that would be on the other side of the country). More and more I've been missing him, so it's no wonder really that I should dream about him. The dream was pretty standard and nonsensical - something about my immediate family moving into a house once owned by someone in Jared's family. The place was a mess, and the bathroom I had to use was way to tiny, but I got to see Jared and that makes me happy. It would make you happy too. Seriously - this guy makes my soul shine with joy and love. And I get to see him come Christmas time. If you are not jealous, you should be.
I have become more and more disillusioned with things at Whitman of late. Close-mindedness is as prevalent here among liberals as at home among conservatives. It really has nothing to do with political views - for some the scope of what is tolerable is just shifted more to the "right" or "left," that's all. And then there's my finances, which right now don't even have "breaking even" in sight. <sigh> But this isn't depressing, it's just eye-opening. I have strong opinions and am always at risk when it comes to being too narrow-minded myself. All these reality-checks just make me appreciate the more the blessings I have. Rare friends like Jared, experiences like leading Bible Study and Camp, my family and humble beginnings, my wonderful girlfriend Zoey, and of course, God. Beyond my comprehension, yet the ultimate object of all my pursuits and thoughts, I couldn't be more delighted to give my life to Him.
On that note, I may have just reached a new plane of existence as far as my understanding (which we have all at this point recognized as limited) of my relationship with my Creator. Just this week my heart has begun to grapple with a critical notion in a way that it has never before. Not just intellectually, but in every respect, I seem to be being lead to the radical notion of Grace. Nothing I manage to accomplish makes me "good enough" for God. And nothing I succumb to makes Him love me any less. Such is the love of God. Don't get me wrong, my heart has grappled with this forever - in fact this is what lead me to Christianity - it has just never made such significant headway. You may notice some common themes between these thoughts and the verses I last published. I have come to see myself not as one-who-sins, but as someone who is sinful. I am no more or less justified before God right after praying for forgiveness than I would be after committing any sin (even murder). I am always hopelessly sinful, and always loved and delighted in by my God. THIS IS SHOCKING!

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

The 51st Psalm speaks as from my heart:
¹Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;

According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.

²Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
³For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
⁴Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight...
⁸Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
⁹Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.
¹⁰Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
¹²Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
¹³Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
¹⁴Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
¹⁵O Lord, open my lips,
That my mouth maydeclare Your praise.
¹⁶For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
¹⁷The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

for I lament as Job:*
²⁰Why is light given to him who suffers,
And life to the bitter of soul,
²¹Who long for death, but there is none,
And dig for it more than for hidden treasures,
²²Who rejoice greatly,
And exult when they find the grave?
²³Why is light given to a man whose way is hidden,
And whom God has hedged in?
²⁴For my groaning comes at the sight of my food,
And my cries pour out like water.
²⁵For what I fear comes upon me,
And what I dread befalls me.
²⁶I am not at ease, nor am I quiet,
And I am not at rest, but turmoil comes.

I exclaim, "Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

and God's speaks through Paul's Epistle to the Romans,** and regenerates my soul:
¹⁴For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace...
²²But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.²³For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

¹⁵For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.¹⁶But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.¹⁷So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me...¹⁹For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want...²⁰But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

¹Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.²For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death... ³¹What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? ³²He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? ³³Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; ³⁴who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. ³⁵Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶Just as it is written,
"FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG;
WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED."
³⁷But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

and thus I am encouraged and persevere, knowing that
²⁸...God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ²⁹For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; ³⁰and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

*chapter 3
**chapters 6, 7, & 8

Praise be to God!

So yesterday I slept in a wee bit, and after I was awakened by the beautiful sunlight shining through my window on to my bed, I just laid in bed for a few moments. I'd only been awake for a few minutes when I thought I heard the phone ring. In the course of four or so rings I'd made my decision to answer it (it's clear down stairs man, that's effort - and besides, my toe hurts since I tweaked it so badly...), violently thrown my sweet new red sheets aside, jumped out of bed, ran down the stairs, thrown on my robe somewhere in there, and zoomed into the kitchen. Putting the reciever to my ear, one of my better days ensued...
It was Zoey on the phone, and after doing homework(ish) with her for the afternoon, I played Settlers of Catan: Cities and Knights with Hans, Matt, Ben, Colin, and Andrea. Then I watched Titanic with Zoey and Nato last night. My God, what an awesome day! I woke up in the middle of night praising God because the whole package was just such a blessing. I mean seriously, wouldn't you be blessed with such godly and righteous fellowship: Zoey, Colin, Andrea, Ben, Matt, Hans, Nato and Leonardo DiCaprio? We should all be so lucky :)